A few nights ago, I was having some trouble sleeping, and so I got out of bed and went and turned on the TV, hoping to find an old "Eight Is Enough" episode that would help me to get to sleep.
I was flipping through the channels with the remote, when I came across a program already in progress on one of those channels that runs those late night sexual advice shows. Or maybe it was the National Geographic Channel or one of those other channels that show the programs about rat worship and stuff. I'm not sure... gimme a break... it was late.
Anyway, I came in on the show after it was almost half over, so I missed a lot of it, but I'll tell you what I could gather from what I saw.
It seems there is a little known sexual cult that has it's origins over in Borneo, and it's beginning to get big over here in the states now. The cult practices something called "monkeying". There are some comedians who have picked up on this and have started referring to it as "monkeying around", which if you ask me is a damn funny name and lots better than the real one.
Back when this practice first got started, it was mostly seen only in the most remote jungle areas, where there are lots of trees, and of course, monkeys. The practitioners for the most part imitated monkeys, climbing in trees, and even going so far as to tie vines around their waists and they would hang from these "pseudo-tails" like monkeys do. Evidently they weren't allowed to walk on the ground, but had to swing from branch to branch during their nightly rituals, which also included bizarre acts of monkey sex with each other. When I first tuned in to the program, they were talking about some wierd things that they did with bananas, but I missed a lot of that, and so I don't know what kinda sick stuff they did with those.
Anyway, the cults have started to spring up all over urban areas here in North America, especially in Canada. And here is the really strange part. Since there are no real rainforests in these highly populated areas, the cults have started to lease lofts and other buildings with lots of room in them, and set up their own jungle habitats, using prefab trees and potted plants. These monkey people wear some kind of high tech leather harnesses which have attached tails with a hooked end, and they hang from the prefab trees by these.
Talking is also discouraged, and the cultists have created their own monkey language, which to me sounded mostly like a lot of screeching and howling, especially when they were doing the most perverted acts of monkey lust on each other that you've ever seen. I saw some who even shaved their asses and dyed them red like some baboons that I've seen.
The program finally ended, and when the infomercial about "that certain part of the male body" came on, I went back to bed. If anybody else saw this program or knows anything about these monkey folks, please clue me in on the parts I missed. I would love to hear what they did with those bananas.
See you next time,
little bitchass
