Well Everybody...I'm Excited! You Can Congratulate Me Now!

I wasn't gonna tell all of you this right now. I was thinking I'd wait until the date got a little closer before I spilled the beans. But I just can't keep from sharing this wonderful bit of news with all of you!

It all started on Thursday night at Princess Grace's Tease Time. We had a prophet in attendance, and it wasn't BillyProphet, who you might remember led a few of us on that almost fatal trek into the desert. No friends, this prophet was for REAL!!!

He made a couple of astounding predictions for the future, and I for one believed every one of them. Some of that may be because I'm insane, but he was so darn convincing! Here's the deal!

The prophecy says that within the next 2 years, I am gonna have dinner with, and get this, MARRY Princess Grace, the Mindfucktress Stroke Princess Herself! I don't know what kind of a vision he saw to come up with that one, but I'm not taking any chances, and I've started making preparations already.

I'm thinking that we'll both be wearing wedding gowns, Princess will have to decide on the colors... I'll leave that part up to Her. I also think it will be really cool if we both wear a hot pair of ballet boots for our trip down the aisle. The corsets will be optional, that's up to Princess.

I was hoping the wedding ceremony could be held at Princess' Castle, where we could honeymoon right in Her Dungeon, but realized that Her state still has some stupid, outdated idea about two girls marrying each other, and so we'll have to move the ceremony over to another state where the lawmakers aren't such stick-in-the-muds.

I figure that whatever gown I wear, it'll be cut very low in the back so I can show off the wedding tattoo that will be covering my whole back. A huge picture of Princess Grace in a Domme outfit with our marriage vows underneath it will be really cool looking, don't ya think? And how about this? Instead of me wearing a wedding band on my finger, She can pierce me and put a ring through my septum right during the ceremony! OMG!!! How awesome is THAT gonna be!!

I'm sure that I'll also take on Her name at the ceremony. Little Bitchass Grace... I like the way that sounds, don't you? Oh, this is SOOO exciting!

I know that some of you are gonna be pretty jealous about this, but I can't help that. This is fate after all, and you don't mess with fate. I just know that I'm as excited as all getout, and giddy as a schoolgirl!

OK, that's all I have so far, but I'll keep you all informed as the wedding date approaches!

Aren't you all happy for me? I soooo wuvs my Stroke Princess!

Oh, and that reminds me, I think maybe I should tell Princess about all this...

little bitchass

Stop The Transmorgifiers! We Have Another Birthday In The House!

I just got word from the Mother Ship that today is a special day for my good friend, instigator, tormenter, skinflint boss, and occasional blog collaborator BillyBear (AKA TracerBulletBilly, BillyPrincess, BillyProphet, BillyGrendel, Tracer-Achilles, MostHolyBilly, Legendary Domme, Billy-Odysseus, Perverted Elf, or one of his other aliases) ... it's the chubby little blue Smurfbear's birthday!

In case you haven't been exposed to his blog writings, sit your ass down and read some of his original stuff but wear a diaper in case you lose all bladder control. I highly recommend the TracerBulletBilly series and the Wastelands series (prolly because I collaborated on those... LOL), but also his amazing "The Oddity" epic.

So Happy Birthday, you pervert, and many more! Hope you eat too much birthday cake and puke! hee hee hee

little bitchass

P.S. Friday said to tell you hello, and said thanks for all that lead in her knees!

The Wastelands: Table of Contents (originally compiled by Billybear)

I thought this Table of Contents was a great idea by Billybear, so I figured I'd steal it. It's a great way to read through the whole series of Wastelands posts in the order that they were published. It's also a great way to expose you to my friends' blogs if you haven't already visited them.

The First Vision
Thou Shalt Go Forth

Buy In
Moses and Jeremiah Were Carebears? (lucky pet)
Yes, In the Cage Again (bankyboo)

The Early Days
Off We Go (billybear)
Well, here I am... in the desert... (jem)
A Vision? (lucky pet)
We Rock! (lucky pet)

False Visions
Night of Debauchery (billybear)
Visions of the Third Kind (lucky pet)
Day 2 in the desert (jem)
Fun in the Sun (bankyboo)

The Wrath
Out of the Frying Pan ... (billybear)
OK, I'm trying not to panic but... (jem)
Woe are We (bankyboo)

The Visions (in order of appearance)
Deserted in the Desert (lucky pet)
Vision of a Goddess (bankyboo)
Visions of Princess Grace (billybear)
Graced With A Vision... (jemmie)

Aftermath
Epilogue (billybear)
Home James (lucky pet)
The Way Out (bankyboo)
What just happened? (jem)


Thanks, Billybear! Great job!

little bitchass

What just happened?

First, I am following Princess, I fell off of a mountain but She rescued me, and now here I am sitting in this bush again. The sun has just come up. I'm sooooo confused, but at least the sandstorm has stopped, and for some strange reason, I seem to have new energy to get up and go on.

I struggle to my feet, having a hard time of getting myself loose from the bush, which seems to be full of thorns that I hadn't noticed when I first sought shelter in it.

I take a look around and scan the horizon in all directions, but I see no sign of Billyprophet, Lucky, or Bankysue, and the wind and sand has covered any tracks that were once there. I see what looks like a big pine tree way off in the distance, and decide that I probably don't have much time left, and if there's a chance that there could be water there, I'm taking that chance. So, armed with new hope, off I went in the direction of the tree.

I walked towards that damn tree for hours, and it never seemed to get any closer. Maybe it was just a mirage, my mind playing tricks on me. As the sun beat down, it began draining the hope out of me, along with whatever sweat my parched body had left in it.

The tree continued to keep it's distance from me, and it became harder and harder to move my feet. Finally I just couldn't do it any more and collapsed in the sand, thinking,

"Well, bitchass, I guess this is as good a place as any."

While I waited, I became aware that the sandstorm had returned. Sand was blowing everywhere, and the sound of the wind got deafening. "Wait a minute, jem... that doesn't sound like wind..." I have vague recollections of people and voices...

"Here's the other one! Not much left of her. Get her inside and get an IV going, stat!"

I feel myself being jostled around and lifted off the ground on something. As I'm being carried through the swirling sand, I see the source of the noise... a medivac chopper? No... it's a chopper alright, but it says State Conservation Dept. on the side. And the last thing I see as I'm placed inside is a logo of a big green pine tree on the side of the chopper.

Now I'm lying in a hospital bed, with IV tubes sticking into just about any exposed area of skin. I guess I was pretty fiesty, because they have me restrained with straps, which if you know me, you also know that I don't mind that one little bit. As I lie here regaining my strength, I'm reflecting on what just happened.

I've heard that my friends also got out safely, so that's a good thing. I wish them a speedy recovery. I'm worried that maybe Princess Grace won't know where I am when She gets back from Her vacation, so if somebody could please tell Her, I'd appreciate it, since I'm a little tied up at the moment.

Was Billyprophet ever really a prophet? Did he ever really receive a vision from Princess? Did She really tell him to take us into the desert? I don't know, but that doesn't matter now. We survived it and became as close as any friends could ever be. And the golden thread that ties us all together is Princess.

To Billybear, Lucky, and BankySue, we burned together in the crucible on this Dance With Death, and I'm sure we've gained something from the experience. I'd be scratching my head and wondering what it was that we gained, if only my hands weren't strapped down.

This doesn't mean that I am not gonna give BillyBear a TON of shit when I get out of here. I'm gonna need lots of money for skin and hair treatments, and my lawyers should already be in touch with his on this matter.

Well, the IV is is telling me it's nappie time now, and so, I will see everybody when I can. Feel free to visit me when I get out of Intensive Care.

Princess, while you were away, thoughts of You were always with me, and kept me going through all of this! Your bitchass wuvs Youuuuu!

little bitchass

Graced With A Vision...

I don't know how long I slept, but at some point I slowly rose out of the murk and realized that the sandstorm had let up. I looked around and saw no sign of Billyprophet, Lucky, or Banky. As I sat there collecting my thoughts, I wasn't sure if I really had the energy to get up and move on or to just sit there and wait for the inevitable. I was dehydrated, hungry, sunburned and sandblasted. So I decided to just sit back for a while and think about Princess Grace, in case this turned out to be the last time I'd ever get to do that.

"Princess! What are You doing here? You're on vacation!"

But sure enough, there She was, standing about 20 feet away, and beckoning to me....

I slowly and painfully dragged myself to my feet and followed Her. She began leading me toward a very tall mountain not too far in the distance. As we walked side by side, She recalled to me our first meetings in the Chatroom and how She decided that She wanted me as Her pet.

We reached the base of the mountain and She said,

"Let's climb!"

I hesitated, afraid of the height, but She took my hand and all of a sudden, I was no longer afraid.

"Yes Princess, all the way to the top!"

As we climbed, She continued to talk. She recalled all of the good things that had happened between us, and even the bad times, although luckily those had been few and far between. She stressed how important it was to Her that I had trusted Her and was there for Her when She needed to talk about things. She talked of how we had become such close friends and the special connection that She allowed me to have with Her. She talked about the unpleasant things that had happened and how even they had brought us closer together.

She talked about the things we had done while I was Her pet, like wearing Her collar, the cage, the mystery prezzies, the special homework assignments, the blogs, and how She gave me Her special name in the Chatroom. She recalled to me each and every phonecall and IM that we had shared, and what we had done and talked about during each of them. She spoke of all the confidences that She had shared with me about Her life, and how She was pleased that I had shared my confidences with Her as well.

Before I knew it, we were almost to the top of the mountain. We were about to make the final push to the summit, when my hand suddenly slipped from Her grip and I began to fall. I remember seeing tears and a look of sadness on Her face as I slipped down the slope, the image of Her getting smaller and smaller as I fell towards the valley below.

I remember noticing a strange absence of fear, but instead felt a profound sense of sadness as the end drew near. The sadness gave way to a peaceful, happy feeling as I realized that no matter what happened next, I had been privileged to spend time with the most special woman I had ever met. If this was going to be it, at least the time we spent together had been wonderful. I closed my eyes and waited for it...

All of a sudden I felt a jolt and realized that I had stopped falling, but I had not hit the valley floor! I felt a strong grip on my wrist. I opened my eyes and saw the beautifully manicured fingers of Princess Grace wrapped tightly around my wrist. She had somehow gotten to me in time and stopped my fall. She smiled lovingly at me, and gently lowered me down to the ground, and with Her sweet as honey voice said....

"Dammit! Don't you EVER do that again, My little bitchass!"

OK, I'm trying not to panic but...

I'm beginning to think we actually might not make it out of here. We're completely out of water and have been since yesterday, and I have no freakin' idea how much further we have to go before we'll see any water, let alone get back to civilization. Billyprophet has on his game face and is saying that he has everything under control, but I think he's starting to show cracks around the edges like the rest of us. Besides him just being insane to begin with, I think that the fear of what Princess Grace is gonna do to him when She finds out he got us killed is wearing him down as much as anything else.

We woke up at first light today, and had a meeting, with the exception of Billyprophet, about whether or not we should just kill the bastard now and get some satisfaction before the rest of us die. We came to a decision, but none of us could remember what it was, because of our fragile mental states at that time. And so, Billyprophet continued as leader of this Deathmarch. Princess, if we live, and if You ever make us follow him again, You are gonna get SUCH a spank!

He actually did have one sensible idea today. He suggested that we lighten our load by leaving all of our supplies behind, with the exception of one item each that we could not live without. The rest are being pretty secretive about what they chose to carry out, but since we don't have any food or water left, I chose something that would inspire me to get out of this mess so I might still have a chance to wring Billyprophets neck someday. I broke a thin branch from a nearby shrub, and tied a piece of string from the thinnest end so it looked like a fishing pole. I tied Princess' lovely pink collar on the end of the string and stuck the other end of the branch down the back of my shirt so that the collar hung in front of me, but just out of reach. Glad I'm still thinking sensibly here. The others are not faring so well.

Banky seems to be growing a head that looks eerily like Pantysue out of his shoulder, and he walks around having conversations with it all day long now.

Lucky seems to have trouble with staying focused on getting the hell out of here. He has been wandering around with glazed over eyes and saying things like, "Give me your water! I must have your water. The altar must be completed or all will be lost..."

And so off we went across the baking sands, in a last ditch effort to make it out alive.

After half the day, we were moving slowly and sometimes aimlessly. I wouldn't even call it walking at that point. We somehow stayed together though, and were able to push on.

It was around that time that the horizon took on a strange color, and the colored area seemed to get bigger and bigger, until somebody realized that it was a sandstorm, and it was just about to sweep over us. As the wind and sand hit us, all of us tried to keep track of where the others were, but eventually I looked around and didn't see anyone anymore. I began yelling at the top of my lungs to try and get some idea where everybody was...

"Billyprophet! Luckyyyy! Bankyyyy! Little Pantysuehead! Mommmmmmyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!"

No dice. All I could do was to try and shelter in place, wait out the storm, and hope the others were doing the same, so we could find each other after it let up. I found a small bush that I kinda forced myself back into, and it gave me a little relief from the stinging sand. If that dumbass prophet hadn't convinced us to leave our supplies behind, I'd at least have a blanket to wrap up in. What a stupid idea! That asshole!

I decided to try and sleep a little, but before I did, I untied Princess' pink collar and fastened it around my neck, so if I didn't make it and was ever found, people would know who I belonged to. Sleep didn't come easily because of the blowing sand and howling wind, but eventually I must've dropped off....

To be continued.....

hopefully...

little bitchass

Day 2 in the desert dawned way too soon for bitchass.

I has just spent a fitful first night tossing and turning. While the magical aloe had eased the pain of my horribly sunburned nerve endings, I still yelped and woke myself up every time I turned over in my sleeping bag.

I crawled out of the tent and looked around to see everyone else in the process of packing up and getting ready to move on. Pantysue's limo was nowhere to be seen, but I swear I saw it last night just before turning in. But Billyprophet informed me that the limo had left hours before we even reached our campsite. Was the limo really there last night or was that my vision? I thought about it and decided that the image of a limo with a glowing DVD display inside hardly qualified as a profound vision, and so I began to pack my stuff up along with the rest.

After an imaginary breakfast (we were fasting, remember?), we set out in the direction that Billyprophet pointed out to us. We trudged under the blazing sun for the whole day, and not a drop of rain fell, verifying BillyNonprophet's status even further.

Finally the sun began to dip low towards the horizon, and we came up to a rock that sorta looked like a giant chocolate bunny with half its ears bitten off. Billyprophet took this as a sign from The Playground, and proclaimed that Princess wanted us to camp there for the second night.

I set up my tent on the outside fringe of the camp, after listening to the most awful cacaphony of snoring from the pets the night before. I've only heard one thing in my life that rivaled that horrible sound, and that was "The Punishment from Hell" mp3, which Princess just so happened to have entrusted me with, just in case Billyprophet got out of hand.

My strength was fading, mainly because of the fasting, but also from a lack of sleep the night before. I figured that if I was gonna have my vision, this would have to be the night. I also had been given a secret task to perform for Princess on one of the nights during the trip. I was to perform the ultimate sacrifice, and that was to represent all the pets and to cum once and only once, as a way of demonstrating our devotion to Princess. I wasn't sure if I would have the strength if I waited another night, so I crawled into my tent, drank my allotment of Electric Kool-Aid, and began my lonely sacrifice to Princess.

The effects of the Kool-Aid kicked in just as I was getting to the edge, and I tried to stay on that razor's edge for as long as I could, but it was becoming more and more difficult, seeing as how the tent walls kept breathing and I began to imagine that I was inside of the stomach of a giant desert wombat with acid reflux problems. If I waited any longer I was gonna lose it, and so with gentleness and great understanding, I consumated our Pet Sacrifice and.... mmmmmm...
caaaaaaammmmmmmmmeeeeeeeee!

Just as I finished the climax of my heroic sacrifice, there was a thunderous BOOM, and the walls of the tent lit up as if a 4th of July fireworks display had begun outside. I poked my head out just in time to see Billyprophet perform the most amazing skywriting demonstration without a plane that I had ever seen! He arced overhead in a shower of sparks and flame, trailing a message in smoke writing that spelled out, "OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW".

I knew this had to be my vision, because it just wasn't possible for a carebear to do what I had just witnessed with my own dilated and bloodshot eyes! Unfortunately, I found out later that he had indeed done just that, as a result of careless smoking. There's a lesson here for all smokers, so take heed.

He landed in some bushes about a half mile away, and we all roundly applauded his awesome display. But we were all pretty tired by that time and so we decided to go to bed and then go looking for him at daybreak.

Lucky and Banky were the first to find him lying unconscious in a patch of some kinda prickly thornbushes. They roused him and he snapped back to full consciousness (whatever that is for a carebear) when Lucky informed him that he had just used up the rest of the water and Kool-Aid to build an altar for Princess. I think everyone was pretty upset with Lucky about this, but nobody wanted to be the first one to say that a mermaid and pony altar for Princess is not worth dying of dehydration in the desert for, and so we all smiled weakly and nodded our heads in approval.

I don't mind telling you, the situation was looking kinda grim as we broke camp and set off across the desert, trying to make it out of there before we all died of thirst. What's worse, I had still not had my vision. I did get to cum however, even if the only thing that came out was a puff of dust, probably due to my dehydrated condition.

little bitchass

Well, here I am... in the desert... following an insane blue prophet to my probable doom.

I'm not totally convinced that billyprophet actually had that vision of Princess Grace, where She "allegedly" told him to take Her pets into the desert. But I'm not taking any chances though, just in the off chance that She may really have appeared to him. So, not wanting to be smote or denied for eternity, I thought I'd better tag along, just to be safe. Besides that, Princess left him a pretty clear message in lucky's blog that he was to be careful, and bring us all back in one piece or it wasn't gonna be pretty for him. I think She posted the comment in lucky's blog because that way billyprophet couldn't delete it, and us pets would all be able to see it. Wise move, Princess!

Safe? Hah! Before we even got to the desert, I fell for another of the prophet's false promises. That of a new sunscreen that would protect my flawless and tender skin from the desert sun's intense rays. Turns out that the sunscreen doesn't work worth a shit, and instead, acts as a UV intensifier.

So after an hour of trudging through the desert, I was suffering through the worst case of sunburn you can imagine. By the end of the day, the only visions I was having were of a bathtub full of aloe vera and some heavy duty painkillers.

Billyprophet claimed to have another minor vision while we walked, and said a way to ease the pain of my sunburn was revealed to him. Half crazed by the pain, I decided "What the holy hell", and decided to go along with what he said. Stupid move on my part. Next thing I know, he's rubbing handfulls of hot sand all over me. I was able to overcome the pain of moving long enough to kick him in the balls until he stopped.

And if billyprophet insists on trying to be funny by sneaking over while we walk and patting me on my back again, the only vision he's gonna have is a quick look at my fist right before it slams into his eye.

I was almost ready to give up and ask pantysue for a ride back to town in her limo, when lucky, who lives up to his name, found a giant aloe plant, and banky and him were nice enough to cut the plant up and collect me a bucket full of gel, since I wasn't able to move enough without screaming in pain every few seconds.

The giant aloe must've been another one of the mystical plants that are scattered around out here, because after slathering the gel on myself, within 5 minutes the pain was down to a manageable level. I'll need to ask my wierd little pal Corruptrix about this, because she knows a lot about this magick stuff.

So. I guess I'll stick with this trek for a while longer. I'd better have this killer vision pretty soon, or if I don't, they'll be finding a dessicated blue prophet buried upside down in the sand with only his feet showing.

I'm gonna try to get some sleep now, and see what happens tomorrow. Banky and lucky are already asleep in their tents, and pantysue's limo is parked up ahead and through the back window I can see the glow from one of the porno videos she has with her. Billyprophet is sitting a little distance away on top of a sand dune in some kind of a yoga-like position, and I assume he's getting another incoming message from Princess.

Geeesh... what a fucking day.....

little bitchass