Bloggin' With Bitchass

Well, I Guess The Situation Is Not As Dire As I First Thought...

I was busy trying to beat the deadline for my last post, and missed a very important development in the billyHulk matter. It seems that now he's developed a severe case of shrinkage.

He's gotten so small that Miss Tara has determined that he is just about the "cutest widdle thing", and instead of wanting to spank his ass bloody, now she wants to cuddle him. How dangerous could a guy the size of a garden gnome be? Especially with him locked up in that cage just like Pantysue.

I'm starting to have conflicting feelings on the matter. I guess you could say that maybe my conscience is bothering me a little for making fun of him. I mean, I hate what Steroid Poster Boy did when he kicked in my front door the first couple of times, tried to smash my blog, and demolished my best coffee table and also the next two that I bought to replace it. Oh, and I'll never let him use my bathroom again... EVER! But I also feel a little bad for him, because now his strength is going away as fast as his height is.

I was watching TV last night and thought I heard this little tapping noise, so I went and opened the front door, causing the little guy to fall facefirst into my living room just as he was delivering another roundhouse kick in a pitiful attempt to smash down my door. There was no way he was gonna be able to break it down, so I left the door open a crack and went back to watch TV. He eventually showed up in front of my couch, and I stifled a smile and pretended not to notice as he wore himself out trying to break my newest coffee table.

Trying to keep a straight face while he's knocking himself out is not working, so I've come up with a plan that should keep the little shit from being too embarrassed.

So here's my plan... I'm having the front door replaced and a new balsa wood model installed on breakaway hinges. My coffee tables are all gonna be built with breakaway parts, so they'll collapse easily whenever anybody as much as touches them. That should be good for his self esteem.

I'm trying to find a scaled down model of my flower car, hopefully made of really thin plastic, so he can toss it without too much heavy lifting on his part. I've got the original car hidden where he'll never find it. I know this is silly, but I figure I don't want to be the one responsible for the little dude stroking out if it ever comes to that.

If I had some Lego building blocks, I might even build a model of Tokyo for him to smash. No matter what he breaks, I'll be sure to pretend that I'm suitably horrified.

OK, I know this is silly, but I'm thinking that someday he may stop shrinking and get big and not so cuddly again, and I'm thinking that if he does, I don't plan on being on his "billyHulkHate" list. I'm sure that cousin Zorak's side of the family would disagree, but this is how I'm dealing with it.

So for anyone reading this, let this sad story be a lesson to you all... "Roids are bad for you!"...

little bitchass