Two Weeks In

Two weeks in.  That's how I'll begin marking this chastity journey with Ms Constance. I won't count the number of days left, because if I do, I'll drive myself crazy with the waiting, and besides that, it's something I have no control over anyway.  I do know how long it's been though, and even though it's in the past, it's a time frame solid enough for me to grab onto so I can use it for a reference.

It was two weeks ago today that the chastity cage first got locked on.  I actually suggested it myself, because Ms Constance had been telling  me how much she loved chastity play, and I knew that if it was ever going to happen, I'd better be ready for it.  I knew I'd have to get myself used to the cage again because I hadn't worn it for about 5 years.  From my previous experience, I thought I would need a minimum of about 2 weeks to get my tender areas stretched, toughened up, and used to the stresses that come from wearing one of these things 24/7.  And so I thought I'd wear the cage until I heard something more definite from Ms Constance.  In the meantime, she was doing a masterful job of pushing my buttons, while at the same time dragging out my anticipation while never telling me anything definite. Aside from the physical discomfort of the first week, I still felt that I would continue to condition my body for another week or so, and then unlock and remove the cage until such time that Ms Constance decided that it was time to play.

Just as the first week was coming to a close, and without warning, Ms Constance shifted gears and flat out told me in an IM that I was NOT to remove the cage without her permission, and that from that point on, all decisions were hers alone.  Those two simple little statements were all that it took to completely shift my perception from whatever had been normal up until then to that of a sub who had just given up all control of everything to my Mistress, all within a space of about 30 seconds.  Ms Constance, that was neatly done, and I'm still in awe of how quickly and completely you managed it!

We had a phone call the very next day where she explained all of her rules and what she would be expecting of me. I've already mentioned that call in my previous post, so I won't revisit that here.

 It was then that I made a discovery about myself that I never expected.  I knew that I enjoyed chastity play from when I did it a number of times with Ms Grace in the past, and I knew I loved the giving over of control, but I'd also assumed that because I enjoy bondage, I must've also loved wearing the cage. What I found out was something completely different though.  During that first week, circumstances dictated that I was not able to chat with Ms Constance for a few days, and the strangest thing happened.  During that time I found I was not liking the cage at all.  I hated the discomfort and the inconvenience of it.  I was ready to take it off, and I would have if not for the fact that we were finally able to be in contact once again.

So I was not in an "I Love The Cage" mindset then, but when she made her move and clamped her control down on me, everything abruptly changed. I know this analogy has been used many times, but it's true, it was like the point in the Wizard of Oz where the movie changes from black and white into color.  The physical discomfort and all the little inconveniences seemed to vanish, and were replaced by a high that is almost indescribable.  Because the only difference between week 1 and week 2 was that Ms Constance took control, I'm sure now that I never really liked physically wearing the cage at all. It's the act of surrendering myself to her control that makes it so satisfying for me. The cage is just a physical object that represents that surrender.

And so, like I said before, I'm two weeks in.  At this point I'm holding steady, and the physical discomfort is fading more and more each day.  I know that the longer I go, the mental aspect will become much more of a factor, but I think I can handle that, because I'm in the best of hands. Ms Constance is a wonderful Mistress and I'm happy as hell to be hers.  I'm also thrilled that she's getting as much out of this as I am.  I just wish I could give her more.  I'm really enjoying her hands-on approach and because of that I'm not concerned right now about how many more days I have left to go.  Sure that will probably change in the future, but right now, I want to go wherever she wants to take me.

I'll give you all another update in a few more weeks, unless I have something earthshaking to report.  I should also say thank you to all the Mistresses and friends who have been encouraging me in the early stages of this project.  I really do love and appreciate you all!  :)

little bitchass