The Meeting

For Chapter I, go here

For Chapter II, go here

Chapter III

 It was an uneasy ride up to the 13th floor with Miss Christine.  She stood between me and the door, facing me and still slowly tapping the cane against her thigh like she was daring me to make a break once the elevator doors opened.  I briefly considered doing just that, but the sight of her awesome legs made me realize that if she ever got those thighs locked around me, she'd probably squeeze the life out of me like one of those big snakes I saw in that "Jem Of The Jungle" movie.  Besides that, my legs were still throbbing from the whacking she gave me, and I wasn't sure that I'd even be able to straighten them out if I needed to jump up and scram out in a hurry.  And so I decided I'd better not make any waves, and stayed sitting quietly on the floor of the elevator.

"Ding"

OK, we're here. Let's go. Up and at 'em.  And stay close so I can keep an eye on you. You're only cleared to be on this floor with an escort. 

I started to chuckle about her "escort" comment, but got serious again when I saw she still had the cane in her hand.

I struggled to my feet, my knees barely cooperating.  As soon as Miss Christine moved away from the doors, I could see a long hallway extending out in front of me, with what looked like offices on each side of the hall. I limped along behind her as she led me down the hall.  My balky knees were just starting to loosen up a little when we stopped in front of a door with a sign on it that read, "Cock Radio".  A voice from inside the room seemed to be in an animated and spicy discussion with somebody.

Miss Christine shoved me out of the way and knocked on the door.

Yeah? Who the fuck is it?

Empress Constance, this is Security Chief Christine.  The visitor that Headmistress Ally told you about is here to see you.

I'm on the fucking phone right now, but come the fuck in.  I'll fucking be with you in a minute.

Miss Christine opened the door and pushed me inside, stepping in behind me.  She parked herself right in front of the door, blocking any chance of me making a clean exit.. A real dish with blonde hair, who was obviously Empress Constance, was on the blower with somebody.

If I can't say fuck on Cock Radio, then when the fuck CAN I say fuck?  Besides, I do NOT constantly say fuck on my program!  What the fuck do you fucking people think I fucking do up here, for fuck's sake?

She slammed the horn down hard enough to crack walnuts and then turned her attention to me.

OK, so who the fuck are you again? Do I know you from fucking someplace?  Christine, what the fuck does this fucker want again?  Oh yeah, never mind, I fucking remember now, you're the fucking dick that's gonna find my fucking snitch for me!

I took a few steps forward and extended my hand.  I instinctively ducked when out of the corner of my eye I saw Miss Christine's arm come up to brush a wisp of hair away from her face. 

Hello Empress, I'm Girl Friday. I understand that you've had a little problem with a stool-pigeon, and I'm just the right dick to find your perpetrator for you.

Oh, right!  Yeah, why don't you sit the fuck down, and I'll fucking fill you in on the details.

I pulled out the chair beside Empress Constance's desk. I flinched again when I saw Miss Christine shift slightly in her stance, but I gingerly sat down, cracking sounds coming from both knees.

So, Empress Constance, what's the down-low on this?  I've never heard your show on the squawk box before, so I'm not sure where to begin.  From what I've heard so far, there's been somebody who's been flapping their gums to the FCC about some salty language that you allegedly use on the air. And you maintain that these allegations are completely untrue. Am I right so far?

Fucking A you're right! Everybody around here fucking knows that I NEVER use that kind of fucking language!  And that goes for my day to day activities as well as on this fucking radio!  It's just not fucking true!  I don't know where some fucker came up with those fucking lies about me!  This really fucking sucks!  It took me a long time to build up my fucking reputation as a sweet and soft-spoken Empress, and now some fucking fuckstain is trying to fuck all of that up for me!     

After I'd picked up my jaw, which had just fallen on the floor, I snuck a quick look back at Miss Christine, who just looked back at me with a slight grin and gave a little shrug of her shoulders.

Well Empress, I think that about says it all. It's very clear to me now that these allegations are obviously groundless.  It's also clear to me that our next step should be to determine if the snitch is an insider or an outside client.  Do you have any idea who might have reason to try and take you and the whole EE organization down?

I don't fucking know!  I fucking talk to hundreds of people here every fucking day!  I suppose it could be fucking anybody!

How about enemies?  Can you think of anybody who might have it in for you?

Now why in the fuck would I have any fucking enemies? Use your fucking head, Friday!

I started to feel like the meeting was going downhill fast, so I tried employing a calming tactic that I learned in PI school.

I'm sorry, but I have to ask these tough questions, Empress.  It's the only way we'll get to the bottom of this unfortunate business.  I think what needs to be done next is to interview some possible POIs. That's Persons Of Interest, in layman's terms.

I know what that fucking means!  Get on with it!  I've got a fucking radio show to do in a few fucking hours!

Well, I guess we should start grilling some people and see if we can get somebody to sing.  Who would you suggest we start with?

Miss Christine volunteered that she saw Ms Cooper in the office earlier in the day and that maybe if we left chop-chop, she might still be on the floor.

Good fucking choice.  Let's go!

And with that, Empress Constance, Miss Christine, and I beat feet down the hall to conduct our first interroga.... umm... interview.

(to be continued)

Girl Friday