Bloggin' With Bitchass

Wierd Thanksgiving Thoughts From A Turkey...

Another year is rapidly coming to a close, and as we get closer to the end of November, the first holiday to materialize out of the murk is Thanksgiving. I used to enjoy this particular holiday a lot! On Thanksgiving Day, I would try to get any work I might have to do out of the way, and then I'd sit down in front of the TV and watch either football, or any of the same old holiday movies that are always scheduled every year on that day. I really didn't care too much what I watched, the really nice thing was to be able to sit there and drink in all the wonderful aromas coming from the kitchen while Thanksgiving Dinner was being prepared.

It's not like I was being a jerk and wouldn't help with the cooking, it's just that I am totally inept when it comes to cooking skills, and so I was not allowed to hang out except for a trip to the refrigerator for an occasional drink. My job was to just stay the hell out of the kitchen and out of the way until after the dinner was over with, and then I would chip in and help with the cleanup activities and the dishwashing. See? Even then I was more suited to a role as a maid or kitchen servant.

I'm in Texas now, and am originally from back East, so being this far away from my extended family on the holidays had it's advantages, in that the guest list for dinner was very manageable. There was none of the simmering disagreements and semi-submerged bad feelings that family members are prone to gossip to each other about all year and then hide under a bib for a holiday meal while forced smiles from jaws as tight as an undersized corset were displayed by all . And without all of that drama, the meal itself becomes the high point. Sitting down to a table piled with roast turkey and stuffing, with homemade mashed potatoes and gravy, and side dishes like peas, sweet potatoes, and cranberry sauce, was better than any silly old orgasm... at least for one day out of the year. (OK, maybe for 2 days out of the year, because Christmas Dinner ran a close second for gastronomical delightfulness). If I can keep to the same analogy, enjoying the pies and other desserts afterwards was the closest I will ever come to being multi-orgasmic.

This wet dream came to a screeching halt about 5 or 6 years ago, when a rebellion in the kitchen occurred, and a decree of "I'm not going to the trouble of cooking a Big Thanksgiving Dinner anymore" was handed down from on High. And so for the next few years, the whole Thanksgiving meal would come in a box from the supermarket. There was a whole turkey in there (it still needed to be popped into the oven for a few hours), and there were also some side dishes included... even a pumpkin pie! It wasn't homecooked exactly, but it was still turkey, and if you closed your eyes, you could almost imagine it was from scratch (except for the side dishes, which tasted kinda like the cardboard box that they arrived in).

After a few years of "Thanksgiving Dinnner In A Box", that effort also became too much. Another rebellion occurred, and the next plan became "Going To Denny's For Turkey Dinner". Let me tell you, if you haven't tried this, it's a real cullinary treat, and I "enjoyed" this wonderful assault on my taste buds for another couple of years. There was a good side to this however. There was none of the stress of planning and cooking the meal, and there was no cleanup afterward. All I had to do was pay the check, drive home, and reflect on another fine Turkey Day.

The final straw came last year, about 4 days before Thanksgiving, when I embarked on my "jem goes it alone" period (as a matter of fact, the anniversary of that memorable day is tomorrow). So, I wasn't in much of a mood to celebrate the Holidays last year. My Thanksgiving Dinner was made by Swanson and took all of ten minutes to thaw, heat up in the microwave and serve. Not my preference, but still pretty easy on the cleanup afterwards.

As for this year? I still don't know what I'm gonna do. I think I'll prolly feel a little better after a year on my own, but I'm still not sure if I want to go out to eat or just go with the old faithful Swanson's Turkey Dinner Extravaganza. I don't think I want to go through all the effort and ultimate heartache of attempting to cook a complete turkey dinner, because I know I'll just ruin it anyway.

So, I'm toying with the idea of possibly overnighting myself in a big roasting pan, with my ankles and wrists tied together and wearing aluminum foil booties on my feet, up to Princess Grace's Castle, where She can display me as a Thanksgiving Novelty in Her office while She torments Her clients on the phone. Hell, maybe She'll even heat up a Swanson's entree for me, I don't know. All I know is, I'd give up even the best homecooked Thanksgiving Dinner, just for the chance of spending the Holidays with my Stroke Princess! Can't happen you say? Well, I can fantasize, can't I?

Wuv You, Princess! I know one thing that I'm sure thankful for, and that's You! I hope You have an enjoyable and stress-free Thanksgiving!

little bitchass