Incognito At The LDW Club

Hi everybody. It's me again. Girl Friday. Sorry I'm late. I just got back to the office. I had to get my mom to bail me out of the slammer. Yep, the bulls collared me for something that happened on my factfinding mission over at the LDW Club. I'll explain later, but at least I feel a little better about the whole experience because I was able to palm the set of bracelets they used on me and get them into my purse without them noticing. A good dick can never have too many handcuffs.

Back to business. The LDW Club. I went there to try and get some leads for the investigation I'm working on. You know the kinda joint I'm talking about. Smoke filled bar with a private chatroom in the back behind the secret door type of place. I was already in a foul mood when I got there. I had to hike my skirt up for 3 taxis before one would stop. I must be slipping. Maybe I need to start wearing some darker nylons to hide the scars on my knees better. To make matters worse, the cabbie all of a sudden remembered a previous trip Tracer and I made in his cab. That's the time Tracer stiffed him for the fare, and so he red-lighted me out of his hack on my keister. I had to hoof it the last 6 blocks to the club.

I arrived at the club, and there was some big dumb palooka blocking the door. Probably the bouncer from the looks of him. I had just started to walk past him when he stopped me by grabbing my boobs with both hands. At least this time my cheaters didn't pop out because I finally remembered to sew the velcro strips onto them. They stayed stuck in my bra pretty good. I slapped the goon across the kisser as hard as I could. Well, he just laughed like some kind of goofball and said, "I guess you're OK Miss", and stepped out of the way and let me pass. I composed myself and went inside to see if I could find that Miss Tara dame.

Once inside, I had to let my eyes get used to the smoky dimness before I could give the place a good look-see. There was loud music playing on a jukebox in the corner. The joint had been remodeled since the last time Tracer and I were there, and nothing looked familiar. As I scanned the room, I saw a bunch of people up at the bar, some sitting, some standing. I noticed that just about every guy had his hand in his pants, and the girls all seemed to be rubbing up against the guys. My keen powers of observation kicked in and I noticed that most of the girls looked like they could've used a shave, but I figured that it was just the dim lighting playing tricks with my eyes. I also noticed that a lot of the girls had their hands up their own dresses too.

Just as the real explanation hit me, I spied a movement at the back of the room. I just happened to be looking in the right direction when one of the customers pulled an antler on the stuffed moosehead, and a big hunk of wall slid open and he walked through. While the panel was open, I caught sight of some people dancing and sitting around in the next room. I made a beeline for the door, but it slid closed just before I got to it.

I yanked on the moose's antler, but it was the wrong one, and it broke off with a loud snap. Luckily the music was loud, and nobody seemed to notice what happened. I had to think quickly. Like lightning, I took the gum out of my mouth and stuck the antler back on the moosehead, but it only held for about 2 seconds before it fell off again. Trying to look as innocent as possible, I nudged it behind a big potted plant with my foot. Then I pulled down on the other antler. The panel slid open and I slipped through the opening and into the chatroom.

I lit a gasper and looked around. The chatroom wasn't smoky like the room with the bar had been, and it was lit by some pink lamps and furnished with couches and chairs scattered all over the place. Thinking that this was probably one of those new non-smoking chatrooms, I quickly stubbed out the butt on my shoe. It's a good thing smokes are cheap.

There was a dancefloor in the center of the room, and a small stage against the opposite wall. I headed for a vacant seat in the darkest corner of the room, where I could sit virtually unseen while I got a slant on the situation. There was some chippy doing a standup comedy routine on the stage, making jokes about finally having a chance to do some makeover or something. Funny, but she seemed to have a little 5 o'clock shadow too.

There were other people sitting around on the couches, with a few snappily dressed ladies mixed in that I knew to be Mistresses. Tracer and I had met a few of them on our earlier visits. That Miss Tara dame was a Mistress too, but she wasn't anywhere to be seen.

I tried to tune in on some of the background conversation around me, and whenever I was able to pick up a few words here and a few sentences there, it was always something about somebody only having a couple of inches or less of something. I couldn't get all of it, but while I was trying to make sense of what they were saying, a door over by the stage swung open, and Miss Tara stepped into the room.

In the pink light, I could see that she was wearing a pair of snug fitting leather pants that really showed off her shape, with a soft pastel blouse and a pair of black boots with stiletto heels. I started to lose my concentration for a second, but quickly snapped back to the job at hand. I was working for a client, and needed to have all of my wits about me. I decided to discretely approach her.

I had worn a pair of 5 inch heels for the occasion, so I could fit in with the rest of the crowd, and when I stood up I kinda lost my balance a little and knocked over the big floorlamp that was next to me. It fell over, hitting the floor with a loud crash and sparks flew everywhere. So much for being discrete. I nonchalantly made my way over to Miss Tara trying to act like nothing had happened.

"Hello Miss Tara, it's been a long time since we've actually chatted in the flesh. I must say you're looking very well. How have you been? I was hoping you might be able to help me with my latest investigation into BillyBear's disappearance. Do you think you could? You remember who I'm talking about, right? And where did you buy those amazing boots? If I had a pair of those, I'd be able to flag down a taxi in one try!"

A voice in my head chimed in, "Calm down, Friday.... take a breath... relax... remember what they taught you in PI school... "Don't ask all of your questions at once... wait until she answers the first one, you sap!"

::Deep breath::

::Deep breath::

I was snapped out of my deep breathing exercise by the sound of Miss Tara's sultry voice.

"Hello Friday. It's good to see you again. My condolences on your dead boss. He was a real dick you know. Now, what is it that you'd like to know?"

"Well, for starters, I know that BillyBear had a lot of aliases. Are you familiar with any of those? It would be helpful for me to know them all."

"Hmm Billy's alias. There are so many! The fuzzball is such a warped.. I mean, multifaceted personality, he NEEDS those names. Lets see, BillyPrincess, BillyProphet, MostHolyBilly, the Perverted Elf, the Legendary Pervert, the Legendary Dom aka MasterBilly, BillyHulk, Angsty Teenaged Goth Billy, wolverBilly (shing shing) Billybunny and many more. Whew!"

"You mentioned that one of his aliases was 'The Perverted Elf". Was he actually a pervert?"

"As for Billy being a perverted Elf, not only was he a pervert, he was a Legendary Pervert. Why, Billy held the Order of the MELON! He admitted to Canine Curiousity, after being molested by a doggie while Thorazined in the bushes, not to mention Princess's dog while Billy hid in her bed, pretending to be a stuffed animal. Hell, he has an insatiable WOOKIE! I can state that Billy, as proven by his own blog, is an incredible pervert."

"You mean Princess' dog did BillyBear too? With the doggie strap-on? Wait til I tell Bitchass about this one!" ::stifles a giggle::

"OK, where was I? Oh... ummm... yes... BillyBear used to do some strange experiments in that big lab over by the river. You can see it from the upper windows of the LDW Club. Have you noticed anything out of the ordinary over that way?"

"Out of the ordinary? At the Not so Secret Lab? Well, let's see, there was the bombing and the rebuilding based on those extort... I mean, donated funds from that nice Cookie Maven, Mr. Ace. There were always rumors of kitten abuse and robots and... well, anything. But lately, there have been people all over the place at night. They claim to see lights in the skies, like, UFOs or something, and to tell the truth, I don't think they all can be crackpots. I haven't seen the lights myself, but I'm not some wookie worshipping geek, either."

I began to panic as I frantically searched my near term memory to see if I might've pulled a Tracer and accidently called her a wookie worshipping geek, I didn't recall doing it, but if I did, I'd find out soon enough.

"I certainly didn't mean to imply that you worshipped wookies, but to be fair, it was proven in the last census that almost 90% of the people here in Paradise are crackpots. ::Nervous glance at the door:: But nonetheless, this thing about the lights in the sky could be important. I'll keep an eye peeled for any hinky activity over there."

Regaining my composure, I pressed on...

"I understand that BillyBear was working on something in the lab called a Transmorgifier, and that those experiments had some unpredictable results. Do you think that machine could be linked to those lights or maybe even to his disappearance?"

"Oh lawsie, the Transmorgifier! Do you know, that is how he BECAME BillyBear? He was feeling sort of weak, if I recall, much put upon, and wanted to feel all big and tough. So, he pictured a big strong Grizzly, the sort of sharp toothed, killer clawed brute that every chat denizen would fear and perhaps he'd impress his fair Princess. Instead...he turned into a four foot tall festively plump little blue waddling Care Bear. And, while he wasn't fearsome, he was totally adorable. Ms Grace would snuggle him on her lap and everything. I think the cuteness ate away at him until he started carrying Implements of Incredible Ingenuity. That led to shaving and spankings and the Tazer of Terrible Tenderness. But I digress...the Transmorgifier was never anything but trouble. All he ever used it for was to cause trouble, further his own aims and do wierd experimental shit. One of his personalities is a furry blue Mad Scientist, I swear!"

"Wierd experiments huh? Hmmmmm... I wonder... ::scribbles feverishly in my notebook:: Earlier you mentioned kitten abuse. It's a known fact that BillyBear had a little kitten named Mittens that used to accompany him everywhere. Do you have any knowledge of the whereabouts of said kitten?"

"Don't get me started on Mittens. I tried to help that poor little thing many times. Billy was never quite right, you understand. He always had imaginary animals to abuse, I remember poor Paulie the platypus, the things that Billybear did to him as a child, even before that crushing Incident at DisneyWorld...never heard from Paulie again after that, just as well that Billy had been Put Someplace. But then, as an adult, there was mittens who suffered enormously and imaginarily at his paws. I stole her several times, pampered and loved her, but in a very clever disguise as BillyPotter, the boy who jizzed, that dratted bear realized that even a mistress couldn't separate him from his own imaginary cat. There's no way he thought of that himself. When I find out who led BillyPotter onto THAT thought, I'll be administering some serious spankweed. Anywho, it did come in handy when I needed inside information from the Lab. Mittens was always willing to do a pal a favor, and I made sure there was fresh tuna or salmon in the bargain. If ol Blue greedy guts didn't find it and hog it up first. Plus, Mittens could communicate with Robo Mittens, the Mad Scientist's faithful mechanical Igor, and sometimes we could head off the most lame brained schemes. Not often. Okay, never. But at least we knew they were going to happen. What was sweet is the way Mittens bonded with that nice bimbo boobed Jemmie's bird, Vash the Destroyer. Even Billybear kept a picture of them on his blog. I worry about poor little Mittens..."

"I have it on good authority that you've conversed with Billybear on a fairly regular basis, and that you actually were shot by him on one or more occasions. How did you feel about that?"

"I have actually spent a lot of time talking with Billybear, not as much time as I would have liked, but a lot. And as much as I give him a hard time, I like the perverted fuzzball. He's smart, he's funny, he can be very sweet and I miss him. I realized the other night of whom he reminds me, I've wondered this a lot. If you read Robert Heinlein, he narrates in first person in several of his books. The lead character is usually confident, self deprecating, smart and funny. Billy reminds of Zeb from Number of the Beast and Richard from The Cat that Walks through Walls, in some ways. But then, there is the instigator. The knee gnawing, mittens kicking MISS TARA SHOOTING side of the Billy! There have been times when the festively plump schemer has been more annoying than a fat blue mosquito in my ear! The time he turned himself into that little green fucker BillyHulk and wrecked everything in sight! When he was a teenaged angsty Goth Wolverbilly with shing shing claws and a whiny attitude, he got Ms Grace and I high and GLUED my hands to my favourite jeans! Do you know how many times I had to listen to the chicken dance? Where IS that little BillyBastard? I'll wring his non existent... that's right, and lately he's been telling everyone that I'm a vampire. Because I'm naturally pale and a night owl... he slandered me over and over in that tabloid rag of his, The Occasional Assassin until I brought in a little serious legal power known as Wolfram and Hart! That will fix him! Unless of course, I shave his ass and beat his butt Baboon red first!"

"Oh yes... Wolfram and Hart... My mom told me about them. Famous songwriting team from way back in the sixties. Wonder how long ago they went legit? They must be some pretty old geezers by now. Err... ummm.. back to business... In your conversations with BillyBear, did he ever mention any places that he liked to visit? You know, like a favorite vacation spot or something?"

"You know, Billy does travel a bit. He talks about going to the North Pole to free his enslaved people, backs bent in labor, working night and day for the Claus. The Perverted Elf feels their pain, but then he would get distracted by pixies or panties or a call to his Princess, or a nap, or a snack, or kicking mittens, or maybe a vision or a shiny penny lying on the sidewalk. You know, he's busy. He tends to like the tropics, and he has friends on Giantess Island, you know. If he could get past the mutant sharks, he's got Pothead, who is a favourite of Giantess Gretchen and is allowed to grow her mutant weed. Pothead would know all the good hiding places if Billy had to lay low from the Man, or from Giantess Gretchen if he pissed her off again. She tends to blow hot and cold when it comes to Billybear. He once convinced her that your nice galpal Jem was evil! Poor Jem suffered for Billy's lies that day, but I think GG eventually figured it out and stomped Billy into a fur rug. You might want to head out there, Giantess Island would be a great place for one more freaky perv to escape."

"Hmmmmmm.... Giantess Gretchen you say? ::sweat beads up on my forehead as I scribble furiously:: OK then, one thing that has always puzzled me... what was his favorite color?"

"Huh???"

I could clearly see from her reaction that my questions were beginning to get stupid. Was I losing my edge? I wondered if I might be getting distracted by the Mistresses in the room. Or had the mere thought of having another close encounter with Giantess Gretchen rattled me? After all, it was on my first case with Tracer, looking for that very Giantess, that I was shot in my knee for the first time. I decided to wrap things up and head back to the office to go over my notes.

"Well I guess that's the crop. Thanks for your time, Miss Tara, there's a lot of new angles here for me to chew on, and if you think of anything else you want to spill, here's my card. You can reach me on the blower if anything comes up"

And with that, the interview was over, and I headed for the secret panel. I couldn't see any mooseheads on this side of the wall, or any other kind of antlered heads for that matter, and so I just stood there with a moronic look on my face, trying to figure out how I was gonna get back out to the other room. I became aware of some scattered laughter aimed in my direction, and as if on cue, everybody in the room clapped twice in unison, and the wall slid open to let me out. Don't you just hate it when everybody else knows something that you don't?

I thought I was in the clear, but just as I was heading through the opening, I slipped in something wet on the floor, and I fell hard, with my ass landing right in a puddle of some kind of slimy goo. With as much dignity as I could muster, which admittedly wasn't much, I headed for the street. But as I walked past the grinning bouncer at the door, he reached out and grabbed my caboose and squeezed.

Well, I had just about as much fun as I could take from that bozo in one night. In one smooth motion, I wheeled around, reached into my bra, pulled out my roscoe and drilled him in both knees. I made two great shots. Dead center on both caps. The silly grin vanished, and he started rolling around on the floor like somebody had shot him. I stood around a little too long though, soaking up the satisfaction, and the coppers were on me before I could breeze out of there.

You were wondering how I got pinched? That's how.


(to be continued)

Girl Friday

If You Think This Is Easy...

Hey all you mugs. Girl Friday here. It's been a long couple of weeks here in Paradise. So far, the missing persons investigation hasn't gone quite like I planned it. I figured that finding the missing BillyBear would be duck soup, but it sure hasn't turned out that way. Even without Tracer's dead ass holding me back, I'm still not much farther along than when I started, and my client is starting to get a bad case of ants in the pants. He's a nice enough guy, but geez, does he have to call me every hour on the hour to find out where the investigation stands? He called me right in the middle of shaving my gams a few nights ago, and the phone scared me so bad I gave myself one hell of a nick. Well, at least it was on my knee, so what's another scar there, more or less?

The funny thing about this investigation is how everybody in town has clammed up tighter than Tracer's wallet. Seems like everybody knows I'm out asking questions, and I've had more doors slammed in my face in the last few weeks than Carter has pills. People see me coming and their windowshades go down faster than Goth Girl's panties. I've got a hunch that there's more here than meets the eye, and these people all seem to know something that I don't.

I'm getting the sneaking suspicion that there is power and influence at work here, even though I can't figure out how anybody would want to hide BillyBear's whereabouts. I mean c'mon... he was a perverted elf. If it was me, I'd always want him in plain sight, not sneaking around somewhere where I couldn't see him. But anyway, back to the power and influence thing. I got rousted by the bulls when I was working late at the office the other night. They roughed me up pretty good and tore the office apart looking for something, but I outsmarted them. I was expecting their visit, so I had hidden all my investigation notes in the drawer next to my perfume. I knew they wouldn't be able to keep that drawer open long enough to search through it. They threatened to haul me off to the caboose, but it was all a lot of hot air. They didn't have anything on me and I knew it. I told them that whatever dingus they were looking for, I didn't have it, and if they weren't gonna arrest me, they could just scram out and talk to my mouthpiece.

So now, I'm off to give the third degr..... errrr.. interview that Miss Tara dame. She was always a good source of information in my cases with Tracer, and she was even nice enough to give me a pair of expensive nylons and a bottle of fancy perfume for Christmas once. I could never understand how Tracer was able to get her so riled up all the time. She seems nice enough to me, and has a great set of pins to boot. She was also one of the last people to hear from BillyBear, so I'm gonna jam my roscoe in my bra and hightail it over to the LDW Club. I'll try to blend into the woodwork until she shows up. Wish me luck!

Gotta go... time is money in the P.I. business...

::Hikes my skirt up and whistles::

Hey taxi!


(to be continued)

Girl Friday

Finally Friday's First Flight

Hello everybody. It's me again, Girl Friday.

Today was "The Big Day"... graduation day over at Sears... You're now looking at a genuine certified PI. If you don't know what a PI is, it stands for Private Investigator. Yep, I finished the night course, passed this big multiple choice test, and today I'm a real gumshoe. I got this framed diploma with an actual ribbon on it to hang on the wall and an ID card with an official looking gold star on it. The ID card is in this imitation leather wallet that I can flip open in peoples faces just like Tracer used to do. I used to love watching him do that. Especially when he'd catch the tip of their noses with it. He did that on purpose you know! He was so film noir!

I've been getting the old office spruced up for a couple of weeks now, and that hasn't been an easy job. It's been closed up ever since Tracer abandoned it and took off for Thailand to search for Ace. As usual, when he left he stiffed me a months pay, and I didn't hear anything more from him until I got a letter from Bangkok asking me to wire him some more money. I wrote back and told him the only wiring I'd be doing would be to wire his balls to an electric socket. After that, I didn't hear from the dick for months, and then finally I got word that Tracer had bitten the big burrito and went on to that great wanking closet in the sky. No matter how much of a dick he was, and how many times he shot me, I still learned a lot from that jerk. In between all the pain, we had a lot of good times together, even if I didn't think so at the time. I'll might even miss the cheap bastard someday.

Anyway, that's when I decided that I needed to either find a real job, or to get my act together and open up my own agency. After all, even though Tracer's name was painted on the door, I was the one who kept the business on track in spite of his best efforts to bankrupt us. I don't mean to brag, but everybody knows it was me who was the brains behind the outfit, and he was darned lucky I didn't quit that night in the LDW Chatroom, when he shot me in the knee the first time.

Even though Tracer was a deadbeat and cheapskate, I was still a little bit nervous about going out on my own without him. Then I came to my senses and realized that not only can I do this, but my knees would have a better than average chance that they wouldn't end up with more bullet holes in them. Not to mention not having to replace so many pairs of pantyhose.

So, I've been cleaning out the cobwebs and scraping that disgusting burrito residue off the walls of the bathroom, getting ready to open up shop as soon as I finished the PI course. I even cleaned out Tracer's old wanking closet, but I haven't decided what I want to do with that room yet. Besides, I need to wait until that wierd smell in there goes away.

So what's the hurry? Well, I have my first case! I couldn't officially announce it until I had my certification, but now that that's official, I can let the cat out of the bag.

The job I've been hired for is your standard missing persons case. I'm not allowed to tell you who's paying me, but I can spill the beans on who it is I'm looking for. That way, if anybody knows where this person is, you can contact me and maybe save me a lot of legwork, which in my case is usually very hard on my pantyhose.

See, I've been hired to find Billybear. Yep. Billybear of Billybear Labs has turned up missing. His Lab has been locked up tight for months now, and a certain unidentified party is pretty darned anxious to find him. Anxious enough to pay me a pretty solid advance on my expenses, and way more than I ever saw in those puny little paychecks from Tracer. I've got a couple of good leads already, and a few people in mind to interrogate, so I'm pretty sure he won't be too hard to find.

Well, I think I'll lock up now and catch a cab home for some much needed shuteye. It's been a long day and I'll be getting up with the chickens tomorrow so I can head back into the office and get started on the case. And I almost forgot, Ive gotta think of a really classy name for the agency, so I can have it painted on the glass just like that loser Spade across the hall has.

I'll keep you all posted.

Girl Friday

Has It Really Been Since Thanksgiving?

Geesh... I guess it has, so maybe I'd better post something. I don't have any idea what to write about, so maybe I'll start by writing about writing. How appropriate!

First let me explain a few things to any of you who might be interested. If you're not interested, then look away until I tell you to look again. See, Bitchass has been away. Not away like going somewhere on a vacation, but more like all my energy to write went away and I came down with the worst case of writers block you can imagine. For the last couple of years, it had come fairly easy. Then a couple of things happened that took the wind out of my sails, and my writing went into a funk. It became harder and harder to even sit down and expend the energy.

This is how the process used to work for me. I'd have a vague idea for a story in my head, and I'd sit down at the keyboard and try to become whatever character I was writing about. My recurring characters were easiest, because each time I wrote about them it fleshed out the character more and more and made it a lot easier to become them. New characters are the hardest, but eventually they come around and develop their personalities. The hardest part for me was keeping the characters personalities separate. If I'm not careful they tend to start blending together.

If I was really inspired and into the character, the story would flow out right from the start. But most times it was more difficult for me. I would struggle for a while to get into the flow, going back countless times to rewrite certain parts, but eventually it would come, and the rest of the story would seem to write itself. If you've read much of my stuff, you've probably noticed that I have a much harder time stopping a story once it gets going.

One of the things that made writing easier was corroborating with a small group of others in this blogspace whose writing I really admire. I think my writing improved by leaps and bounds once I began to feel pushed to get better by reading stuff by quality storytellers like Billybear, Miss Tara, Lucky, and Ace, to name just a few. I don't mean to leave anyone out, but these were the people who were most involved on a day to day basis. To this day, I am totally awed by how Billybear can make a complicated storyline come together so effortlessly. I wish it came that easy for me, but I could never do what he does. And there were times that I laughed so hard at what he wrote that I about peed my panties.

I can't put my finger on exactly when I became completely blocked, but it was sometime after Lucky detonated the 10 pounds of C4 under his blog. I don't blame him because I knew his reasons for doing it, and by that time I had lost most of my inspiration for writing anyway. I tried to keep going by forcing stories out, but that usually shows in the finished product and the Emporer soon has no clothes.

I had a good opportunity to write some true life posts when Hurricane Ike and a few other storms visited the area. I thought the Ike stories turned out pretty well, but after the storms went away, so it seems did my writing.

So anyway, I'm hoping that shining the light of day on my writers block will turn things around and get me writing again. Maybe it will, and maybe it won't. I can't say for sure. I feel especially bad for disappointing my regular readers, and Miss Tara certainly deserves to read something new instead of having to depend on the old archives for a chuckle or two. Although, I confess that I too read the archives from time to time when I need a laugh. It's a damn shame that the Real World has interfered, but since Miss Tara, Billybear and Ace have been posting the occasional post, maybe there's hope that they will get going again too. Maybe even Lucky might find a way to resurrect his blog from the ashes. We can always hope.

Well that's about it for tonight. Anybody who looked away because they weren't interested can look back now.

Hopfully it won't be so long between posts this time!

little bitchass

Happy Thanksgiving, Everybody!

Be sure to eat and drink too much and then crash out on the couch snoring so loudly that the neighbors complain! Then go eat some more pie!

little bitchass

Ike... Has Left The Building... Part III Of The Series...

It was sometime after 10AM when I woke up enough to get off of the couch and take a look outside. The wind was still blowing, but not nearly as hard or as sustained as it was when I had last fallen asleep, and so I figured it was safe to go outside. I put on my old tennies because I figured they were gonna get wet, and ventured out the front door.

The first thing I saw when I scanned the front yard was leaves and small branches everywhere. Then I noticed a rather large branch had broken off of my tree and was laying in the shrubbery. That's when I remembered my car in the driveway. I walked out to the front of the garage, not even wanting to look, but when I did, there were no other large branches down, just a bunch of little ones, and there were leaves all over the sides of the car like they had been glued on. But to my relief, there was not a scratch on it.

As I looked around, I noticed much more damage to the neighbors house on my right and also across the street. There were huge branches that had broken off of the trees, any one of which would have caved the roof of my car in. Everybody in my subdivision has 6 foot wooden privacy fences, and it looked like everybody had lost huge sections out of theirs. The wierd thing is that both of my side fences that run from back to front are decrepit old things that lean and you can knock a board off of them if you bump into them, but neither of them had a single piece missing. My neighbor wasn't so lucky. The fence he had was almost new, I mean it still looked like brand new wood, and most of it was lying on the ground with big broken sections in it.

I thought I'd better look at my own property, and so I stepped back and looked at the roof, not knowing what I was gonna see. But the roof looked OK, and so I started around the house to check out the back. As I walked, I noticed pieces of shingles lying on the ground, and so I looked up a second time, but still didn't see where they might've come from. My neighbors houses didn't look like they had lost any either.

As I rounded the corner to the back yard, I was expecting to see my chimney blown down at least. But there it stood on the corner of the roof, with it's chimney cap still on and not even leaning. I scanned the back side of the roof. That's when I saw where the shingles had come from. A couple of rows of shingles had blown off right below the ridge, from the right end of the roof to about 2/3 of the way across. I know thats gonna cost me, but still, it's not nearly as bad as I was expecting.

The back yard was covered in leaves and little branches, but my two trees were still standing, pretty much intact. Then I noticed the little steel shed where I keep my lawnmower and garden stuff. The neighbor directly behind me had about a 30 foot bald cypress tree, and it had broken off and fallen right onto the top of my little shed, with all the branches covering it like it was in a little green grotto. I went over and opened the door to see how badly the roof was crushed, but there was no damage at all. I looked behind the building and found that the fence across the back of my yard was holding the tree a few inches above the roof of the shed. Talk about close calls!

The only other significant damage I saw was that a huge branch had snapped off of their tree, but it had fallen in a direction away from my house, and it was big enough to where it could've done some damage to my roof if it had fallen on it. I went back into the house took stock of a few more things.

The electricity was still off, obviously, but I was surprised to see that I still had water running at full pressure, and I still had gas. They were both great signs, because it meant that not only could I take showers and flush the toilet, but the showers wouldn't be cold ones and I could cook things on my gas range. Having the power off was not a good thing, but at least with water and gas, the house might get uncomfortably warm, and the refrigerator wouldn't keep the food cold, but the house was livable and I could survive in it until the power came back. I went to the kitchen and made myself a cup of coffee. Instant coffee never tasted so good.

I sat on the couch and drank my coffee while I listened to the radio. The news wasn't too good, especially for Gaveston and the areas. Galveston was hit really hard, but the Bolivar Peninsula and a little area called Crystal Beach were almost wiped clean, according to the newspeople. A lot of the residents who defied the evacuation order still haven't been located, and a news item just today theorized that a good number of them had been simply washed out to sea, and they will probably never be found.

Electricity was out all over a wide area, with the power company estimating the number of customers without power at about 2.25 million. The forecast for getting power back was pretty grim, anywhere up to a month, with some of the hardest hit areas maybe taking longer. That was a scary thought, and I wasn't looking forward to living without air conditioning, lights, or refrigeration for anywhere near that long. The news stories all morning were sobering, but through it all, Vash kept it light by singing away cheerily in his cage. I don't think he likes storms very much, seeing as how I had found him as a baby after he had gotten blown out of his nest, and he was probably just happy that the storm had passed.

I won't go into a lot of detail on the stuff that has been going on around Houston, because it's all been reported on the news, but there are a few other things I wanted to touch on. Trying to sleep on Saturday night was horrible, because even though I had opened all the windows, there wasn't any breeze outside and it was as steamy as a jungle on the equator. I'd drop off to sleep for an hour or so, and then would wake up sweating. I'd get up, go into the bathroom, towel down and then lay back on the bed and try to go back to sleep. This process repeated itself over and over until morning.

The hardest thing to find in the days after the storm were ice, water, and gasoline. I had stocked up on bottled water and had almost a full tank of gas, but I needed ice in the worst way. The fridge kept things cool for about a day, but I had to start looking for some to put in my coolers. On Sunday morning I listened to the radio to hear the locations that supposedly had ice, but by the time I would get to them, it would be gone. I wasted almost half a tank of gas just driving around looking for ice. I gave up and figured to get an early start the next day.

I got lucky again, and on Sunday night, a cool front came into the area, and sleeping was a lot more comfortable. I even had to get a light blanket and cover up by the time morning rolled around. It has stayed on the cool side at night ever since.

The next morning, when I got to the Krogers, they had a line in front of the ice machine, and I found out that people were waiting until it spit out some bags of ice, and then the line would wait for more to be made. A guy guarding the machine told me it took 30 minutes to make the ice, and so I mentally counted up how long it would be before I got any ice. It was way too long to wait, but I had nothing else to do, and it was better than driving around and wasting my precious gasoline looking for it. And so I resigned myself to wait.

At that point, something that I consider a small miracle happened. As I stood back near the end of the line, a guy walked in from outside and asked if we were all waiting for ice. I figured he was a customer and told him yes, and also how long he was probably going to have to wait. But he wasn't a customer... He said, "I have some ice out in my truck, and its free, so if you want some come out and get it".

He didn't have to ask me twice! I whirled the shopping cart around and followed him out to the parking lot with about 5 of my fellow back of the liners. He led us over to his pickup truck, and in the back were 2 huge coolers with bags of block ice in them. He gave me four 10 pound blocks, and away I went to get my precious cargo home. It was an odd feeling as I wheeled the cart across the lot. I was actually a bit worried that somebody might be desperate enough for ice to mug me for mine. But I got my ice home and into the coolers without any bloodshed.

All of the food in my fridge and freezer was thawed by this time, and so I had to throw out almost all of it. Two full trashbags worth... While the fridge was empty, I spent a couple of hours giving it a good cleaning, and this is the cleanest that thing has been in probably 5 years.

On Tuesday morning I went out to the Krogers for more ice, and this time they had a pallet full of cube ice sitting there. I had to pay about $3.50 for a 40 pound bag, and I got 2 of them, which almost didn't all fit into the coolers. $3.50 a bag for frozen water was a bit steep, but considering how hard it was to get, I probably would've paid $10 a bag.

After dropping off my ice, I went out to try and do some shopping. But first I had to try and find some gas for the car. Most stations I drove past had bags on the gas nozzles. Some stations were out of gas, while others had gas in the tanks, but didn't have the electricity to work the pumps. The few stations that were operating had lines of cars a block long waiting to get in. I figured I could wait another day and maybe more stations would be getting their power back. And so I stopped into the Krogers again and picked up a few things and then went back home to do some yard cleanup.

Later that afternoon, while I was cleaning up branches, I saw my porch light go back on! Holy shit! The power was back on! I worked for a little longer while I made sure the power was gonna stay on. About 10 minutes later, just as I was about to go back inside and start turning things back on, I heard the now familiar sound of power lines shorting out a couple of times, and my porch light went back out. Shit!!!!

About an hour later, I saw 2 big power company trucks down the block in the direction that the arccing sound had come from. A crew took a bunck of poles and other tools and went into a back yard, and within a half hour, the power was back on again. I waited to make sure it was gonna stay on, and when I was pretty sure it was, I started turning things back on. Lights came on... then I plugged the fridge in... that was good, so I plugged the TVs, the stereo, and the puter back in. Everything was working so far. Holding my breath, I turned the switch on the thermostat to "Cool". The air conditioning kicked on and within a minute, there was cool air coming out of the registers! Then I checked my cable, but it was still out, and so I tried doing a refresh on it, and after about 15 minutes of playing with it, I noticed the cable box resetting itself, and my picture was back. I went to the puter and did a renew and reset, and my Internet connection came back up. Bitchass was back in business!

About that time, my boss called me and said that the power and server were both back up at work, and so everybody was supposed to come back in the next day. On my way into work on Wednesday, I turned around and stopped at a gas station when I saw that the owner was taking the bags off of the pump nozzles as I was going by. He must've either just gotten the tanks filled or he just got his power back on. Whatever the reason, I didn't much care. I only had to wait for one car in front of me, and then I got my gas and left.

And so, all in all, I made out better than most. I have to file an insurance claim for my roof, but at least I have a roof to sleep under. As I write this, there's still over a million people without power in the Houston area, and a lot of families still have members missing. As good as it feels to have my air conditioning and other conveniences back, there are others who are still suffering out there. It's a really really sad situation. My heart goes out to everyone who's worse off than me, and I hope that they all get relief soon.

Well, I'm tired, so that's all for tonight...

And y'all better hope there's not gonna be any more hurricanes this year or you're gonna have to sit through another long story!

Later!

little bitchass

Don't Let The Door Hit You In The Ass, Ike...

Well, I survived the hurricane, not completely untouched, but I'm still here. If anybody is wondering, I'll relate to you what I experienced as the storm came and went. Before I start though, I want to say that I was extremely lucky compared to a whole lot of other poor souls who lost way more than I did. My heart goes out to those people and their families.

On Friday afternoon, I finished boarding up my one boardable window at the front of the house, and making sure I had my flashlights and extra batteries handy. I placed my candles where I could easily find them. I fueled up my Coleman lantern, and also screwed a new propane cylinder on my other lantern. The weather at that point was still very calm, with an occasional breeze.

The clouds started rolling in during the late afternoon, but not a drop of rain fell until much later. As evening fell, the wind started to pick up, and I decided to make dinner, using stuff from the freezer, since I knew that the power might go out during the storm and allow the frozen food to thaw out. And here's where I made my first two big mistakes. I had already gassed up the car, but I forgot to go out and fill my coolers with ice, and I also forgot to test my radio on battery power.

After dinner, I spent some time on the Internet, thinking that the storm probably wouldn't get bad until 11PM or maybe midnight. I browsed around a bit, getting periodic weather reports from Krissi, and I started to leave a few messages with people telling them that if my Internet went out, I might not be online for a few days. I never got all of my messages sent out. At around 9PM the power started to flicker, and so I decided to turn off the puter and unplug anything electronic except for the old TV in my bedroom. I busied myself by watching storm coverage on TV until I lost my cable signal at 9:40. At that point, I went out to the living room, parked myself on the couch, and turned on my radio, which worked fine as long as it was plugged into the wall.

That's how I spent the time up until about midnight... lying on the couch, listening to storm reports, and listening to the wind getting stronger and stronger outside. Then, a little past midnight, the lights went out...

I lit a couple of my candles and switched my radio over to battery power, but even though the batteries were brand new, the radio stayed silent. And so I laid there in silence, listening to the many strange noises outside. I have a fireplace with a metal firebox and metal chimney. During normal rainstorms, I use the chimney cap as an indicator of how hard the rain is falling outside, but on this night, the whole fireplace got involved, as the wind would blow down the chimney and make the damper and the metal walls of the fireplace clatter and bang. The wind was really blowing hard outside, and every so often, I'd hear the sound of electrical wires shorting together and the power transformers going out. I kept hearing the most disconcerting cracking sounds outside, and I didn't have any idea if it was from trees going down or something else. And so I laid there on the couch, wishing I could just fall asleep and when I woke up, all this would be over. Not a chance...

While I was lying there, I suddenly remembered a tiny little AM/FM/Weather radio that I had gotten sent to me as a free gift from somewhere. I searched for it using a flashlight, and fortunately found it in a drawer. I popped a couple of AAA batteries in it, and lo and behold, sounds poured forth! At the time I got it, I remember thinking how cheap and useless this little plastic toy was, but the little bastard worked like a charm, and kept me informed of what was going on around the area until the power came back on. I apologize profusely to Mr Cheapass Radio.

As I laid there, listening to the radio and the steadily increasing wind and scary noises outside, I was able to finally drift off to sleep for a while.. It couldn't have been for very long, because I woke up to see the lights were back on again, and when I checked my watch, I saw it was only about 2:15. It had really started to rain hard, and I heard them say on the radio that Ike had just come ashore on Galveston at 2:10. I knew that since I was about 40 miles from Galveston, I still had about 2 hours to go until the strongest winds got to my area. I got up and looked out of the front door, and all I could see was horizontal rain, and a ghostly image of trees and bushes bending sideways. As I watched, I saw a couple of bright green flashes of light, accompanied by the now familiar sound of wires shorting out, and out went the lights again. I closed the door and made my way back to my little oasis of candlelight.

The next couple of hours were probably the worst part of the night. I started to hear my windows flexing inside their frames, and I started to wonder if they were gonna blow into the house or some airborne objects might crash into them and send flying glass my way. I have a small house, but the entire back wall consists mostly of 3 large windows and a sliding glass door, and the wind was blowing directly at them. I was wishing that I had been able to board them up, but it was too late now... I made another big mistake here... I continued to lay on the couch, right where any broken glass would go. Luckily, the windows held, and I didn't have to pay for being stupid.

While I waited for the worst part of the storm to arrive, all I could think of was, "If this is only a Category 2 hurricane, I don't ever want to have to sit through anything stronger." I don't mind telling you that I was scared and more than a little bit worried. One thing that helped me a lot was the knowledge that I was far enough inland and at a high enough elevation where I didn't have to worry about the storm surge or any serious flooding. As I laid there wondering just how strong the wind was gonna get when the eyewall passed over me, I mercifully fell asleep. The next thing I remember is drifting awake just around 6AM and realizing that the wind didn't sound quite as strong outside as it had just a few hours ago.

I got up and grabbed a flashlight and patrolled around the house, looking for any broken windows or water leaks, but I didn't see anything. As I passed the spare bedroom, the beam of the flashlight startled poor little Vash, who had been quiet all through the storm, and he now began cheeping loudly. I talked to him for a few minutes until he quieted back down. I went back to the couch and laid back down, waiting for first light so I could see something outside. I'm not afraid of the dark by any means, but having to endure 6 to 8 hours of this crap without a break, and not being able to see anything outside, had me wishing hard for daylight to arrive.

Finally, after drifting in and out of sleep for a while longer, I became aware that it was starting to look lighter behind the closed curtains, and that there were lengthening periods of calm between the gusts of wind. As I drifted in and out, I was vaguely aware of the sound of the radio announcers periodically giving the time, and at one point I remember hearing them say it was 10 something, and so I decided to get up and take a look outside...

Lunch hour is over, so I'll tell you the rest later.

little bitchass

Ike... A View From The Crosshairs...Part I...

As Hurricane Ike gets closer and closer to Bitchassland, I'm taking a break from my preparations, and thought maybe now would be a good time to update everybody. I may not get a chance to later. This storm may not be as powerful as some have been, but it is huge, folks. As I write this, the wind has just now started to pick up and it's getting pretty breezy out there. The sun is still out but some clouds are starting to roll in. I'm not sure when I'll feel the first rain, but it's been dry so far.

I've been really fortunate for the past few years when it comes to tropical storms and hurricanes. There have been a few, including Rita, which were headed directly towards me but turned away at the last monent. It looks like I won't be as fortunate this time.

When I got up yesterday, Ike was tracking towards me and if the track held, the storm would pass almost directly over me, slightly to my west, which put me on the "dirty side" of the storm, which is where the worst conditions are usually found, including possible tornados. I got a little break yesterday when I found out that the storm track had shifted slightly to the east of me, which makes me feel slightly better because that puts me on the "clean side". But this storm is just so big that I'm in for a rough night tonight no matter what.

I got another little break in that Ike didn't strengthen much yesterday as it travelled across the Gulf of Mexico. As I write this, it's still a Category 2 storm with winds of 105 mph. I'm about an hour inland from Galveston, which seems to be Ike's latest target, so I will not get the storm surge or see wind speeds close to what Galveston will feel. But.... I'm still expecting winds of between 50-65 mph and they are predicted to last for almost 12 hours, because of the sheer size of the storm. Once it's here, all you can do is wait for it to pass through. Besides the wind, I will probably get a lot of rain, but I'm in an area that doesn't usually flood, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it won't this time either. My main concern is whether my roof and windows will stay intact.

I will most likely lose power at some point, and who knows how long it will be before it comes back on? I've been hearing stories that some places in other storms were without power for a couple of weeks. That would really suck, because if the power goes out to the water pumping facility that supplies me, I won't have any water until the power comes back on. I bought some water and also have some soda, whiskey, and beer, so I won't die from dehydration, but I may be drunk as a skunk when all is said and done.

This morning I made the last of the preparations that I could, and filled up my two huge trashcans with water so I could use a bucket of water to flush my toilet with if the water is off. I'll fill up my bathtub later tonight too. I've got a couple of Coleman lanterns, a couple of flashlights, a few extra batteries, and a bunch of candles, so at least I shouldn't be in the dark.

I could've done better preparations if I had put more thought into it, like I should've gotten more drinking water and batteries, and maybe another can of lantern fuel, but it's too late to worry about that now. It is what it is, and I'm as ready as I'm gonna be. All I can do now is to hope that everything will be OK.

I just remembered a few more things that I need to do, like trying to get a couple more trays of ice cubes made before tonight, so I'd better get back to it.

Thanks to all of my friends who have expressed their concern, because that really means a lot. And thanks to my weather expert sis Krissi for the great weather updates and assurances. If I can, I'll write more later tonight if I still have power. Hope to see you all later tonight, and maybe even be able to report that the storm turned away at the last moment. We can always hope, right?

Love you all!

little bitchass

Wow! September 4th Already! Wonder What Bitchass Has Been Doing For The Past Month?

Since I haven't written anything in that time, and since a few of my friends have posted a few things, maybe it's time I blew the cobwebs off of this blog and added some text to it.

And since my blog never contains anything fictional, I'll just stay with that format and tell you what I've been doing lately. This won't take long, and if you manage to stay awake through it, there will be a quiz at the end.

When I left you last, I was sitting by myself at work, waiting for the tropical storm to wash me away. Sadly for you, it didn't, and neener neener neener, I'm still here. We had another Hurricane scare last week, when there was a possiblility that Gustav might head over in Bitchass' direction. I watched the news and weather, and figured I'd be smart this time and not wait until the last minute to get extra water, batteries, and candles. So out I went, and was able to find what I needed before everything got cleaned off of the shelves. But Gustav had his evil eye fixed on the New Orleans area all along, and he headed straight there, leaving all my storm supplies still sitting in their little plastic shopping bags. I guess I'll put them away after hurricane season is over.

Remember when I had told you in a previous post that I had to replace my dead modem? Well, my Internet connection problems continued to cause me grief until 2 days ago. I could never get my Internet speed anywhere close to where it should be, and web pages were taking anywhere from 2 to 5 minutes to load. I started checking out the computer, and found some spyware and a Trojan (not the condom) hiding in there. I cleaned those things out, cleaned up my registry, and in the process caused other problems. I began to suspect that I had broken Internet Explorer when the spyware got cleaned out, and so I installed Firefox to see if it was any faster. It wasn't. Everything was still going slower than income tax reform.

That made me suspect either the new modem or some other problem with my ISP. Since I had installed the replacement modem, and remembering that I had problems doing the online setup, I decided to call Comcast while I still had my router bypassed and had a straight connection between computer and modem.

The tech I got listened (hahaha... not really) to the symptoms I described, and then told me that there was an outage in the area and that it was probably the cause of my slowdown. I pointed out to him that I had just told him that my Internet was slow for over a month, and that must be some kinda outage they had going on. I also pointed out that I still had my connection, but that it was dead slow. At any rate, he insisted that he couldn't do any troubleshooting with me until the outage was cleared. When I asked him when I should check back, he said it could be 48 hours. I figured that at least if I called back the next day, I might get a tech more interested in helping me.

Now the story gets really wierd. I checked my ISP download and upload speeds before going to work the next morning, and they were still crawling. After finishing work, I turned onto the street leading to my subdivision, and there on the side of the road, were 2 Comcast bucket trucks, and their occupants were working on an overhead wire. I got home, turned on the computer, and my Internet connection had mysteriously gotten it's speed back. It's been that way ever since, and was it just a coincidence that it got fixed the day after I called? You tell me. I'm just happy to be able to browse without cursing at the computer every time I change to a different webpage.

So needless to say, most of my past month has been spent trying to get my computer straightened out. Add that to the fact that I have been super busy at work and not able to get online to play like I used to, and you can see why I haven't been around much. Weekends have mostly been spent sweating my ass off outside while I push the lawnmower around the yard.

Well, my lunch hour is over, so this will have to do for todays post. Maybe I'll post again soon, maybe not, who knows?

One last thing. Notice the special date in the header of my blog. That date is the anniversary of my first call with Princess Grace. I was really looking forward to our 2nd Anniversary this year, but September 20th is only about 2 weeks away, and if some things don't change by then, it looks like it's not gonna be much of a celebration. I'm hoping that September 20th will stick in my memory as a happy day, and not a sad one.

See y'all next time I post.

Princess, as always, I wuv You and miss You.

little bitchass

P.S. If you're waiting for the quiz, there isn't gonna be one... I ran out of time...

What In The Hell Was I Thinking?

Today's blog post has absolutely nothing to do with anything interesting. That's because I have nothing interesting to write about. So, just so I can say I wrote something, I'll tell you what is going on at this moment in time.

I'm sitting at work, staring at the computer screen, any desire to write anything meaningful is just not there these days. I just feel numb.

So I guess I'll force something.

I'm sitting here alone at work. Nobody else is here because Tropical Storm Edouard is paying Houston a visit as I write this. We were told yesterday to just watch the news and make our own judgement as to whether to come in to work or to stay home. I made the judgement to come in, but like always, my judgements seem to be 180 degrees out from everybody elses.

Really, it's not that bad outside. The storm took a slight turn to the north last night and instead of tracking right over my house like it was aiming for yesterday, it made landfall to the east of Houston, and since it's a compact storm, all we are getting is some heavy rain showers. There's not even much wind, and no lightning and thunder or spinnies... Krissi will be disappointed....

So, my main concern went from losing power, water, (Internet) for some uncertain amount of time, to whether or not the roads might flood between work and my home, trapping me here at work. Staying here overnight is not something I would want to experience. What would there be to do? There's no food, no bed, and I am restricted as to Internet access. There's nothing here to entertain myself with. Especially since I'm not supposed to be cumming and all...

Well, it's gotten a little darker, and the rain is picking back up again, so I'm gonna close down and head for home while I still can.

Catch you all next time.. whenever that might be...

little bitchass

On Tease Time And Other Burning Questions...

Regarding Tease Time, I didn't go to Tease Time last night so I don't know if Princess put one on or not. Maybe somebody could enlighten me on this one.

I also thought I would save everybody some time and effort, and answer the 3 most common questions you will be asking me if you see me around the chatrooms. Here are the answers. Write them down so I don't have to keep answering them over and over again...

1. No.

2. I don't know.

3. Beats the hell outta me.

Well, have a great weekend, everybody!

Princess, as always, Your bitchass wuvs You!

little bitchass

Sorry Lucky... There's Nothing For You Today...

That's because there was no Tease Time last night. Princess Grace never made it into Her chat. Everybody missed Her, and we're all hoping it was just computer problems and not anything more serious, like Bambi's surviving family members finally catching Princess out without Her bodyguards.

Well, so much for the birthday cheesecake. It went back into the freezer and I guess I'll be having it this weekend.

Hope You're OK, Princess. Your bitchass wuvs You!

little bitchass

My My My... How Time Does Fly...

Thursday already? Where does the time go? Bitchass took 3 days of vacation, which along with the weekend meant I had 5 straight days of sleeping in and doing nothing. Today I'm back to work, and UGHHHH... the day just won't end...

Well, I did do some things, mostly housework, laundry, and running out for this or that, the most interesting things being going to the salon for a haircut/style, and then buying and installing a new router to replace the old one that had been losing its configuration whenever it was most inconvenient for me. It wasn't a huge problem having to reload the configuration file once or twice a day, but I finally got tired of having to do it and decided that it was time to go for something new. I ended up getting one of the new D-Link "N" routers and I installed it. So far so good, but right now I'm still on a wired connection and haven't tried installing the wireless adapter yet. I'm gonna play around with the configuration and make sure I don't have any problems for a few more days and then I'll install the matching wireless card.

I had another great day at the salon on Saturday. I didn't have anything special done, just got my split ends trimmed, along with some brow waxing and plucking. My stylist did a style with a lot of loose curls, which was nice for a change, but the best part about my visits is always the fun I have hanging out for the afternoon with all the girls who work there. They are wonderful! They all treat me like I'm just "one of the girls", and I always feel totally comfortable and at ease there. There's nothing like sitting in the salon, sipping a glass of white wine, and having someone playing around with your hair for a few hours. Well, there are a few other things that might top it, but you know what I mean. But eventually, like all the other clients, I have to leave, even if I'd rather hang out there all day.

I told you in my last blogpost about my phone call with the Stroke Princess, and I just received the birthday prezzie that She sent me. Thank You again, Princess! I decided that I'm not gonna tell you all what She bought for me, I'll just let you all use your imaginations. If She wants to tell you She can, but I'm thinking it's more fun to make you all wonder what the prezzie was. ::giggle::

There's something else that Ms Grace did during our call that I completely forgot to tell you about in my previous blogpost. I'm sure this will ho-hum any but the sissies among my readers, but if it doesn't interest you, skip over this part. I'll tell you when to start reading again.

I had told Princess last year that I had bought a two-piece swimsuit that had a bra top with those triangle shaped cups. I had been wearing that whenever I went to the tanning salon, and I developed some very nice tanlines. These tanlines were so distinct that when I showed Princess a picture of them, She said it looked like I was still wearing a white bikini top.

But I stopped tanning in the top early this tear, because I wanted to see what my boobs looked like with a tan, and so I started just wearing the bottoms. Mt tan is pretty much evened out now, but still, it's not as dark as it was late last season. I had gotten busy and had only been going about once a week, and so the overall tan has been fading a little bit. That brings us back to the present.

During our call, I mentioned to Princess that maybe it was time to get a new swimsuit, but maybe this time one that would leave more interesting tan lines. Princess just giggled and right away went to the Victoria's Secret site and found out that there was a swimsuit sale going on. She showed me a lot of different swimsuits that She thought would be good, before finally deciding on this one.


I ordered it while She waited. Princess, the tanlines from this one will be interesting for sure!

Well, to make a long story short, the swimsuit arrived yesterday, but I was too busy to open the package. I'll do that when I get home tonight, and if it's the right one and everything fits, I'll start working on Princess' new tanlines this weekend. OK, the rest of you can start reading again.

I've also been continuing with the "Walkies 'n Water" program, with no cummies allowed since the one during our call and the two She allowed me on my birthday. Now it's back to not knowing when the next one will be. I haven't talked to Princess since the call, and so I still have no idea what Her "Big Plan" for me is. I'm sure I'll find out soon enough, and I also know that I foolishly already agreed to it in exchange for being allowed to cum the other night. I'm so tired of breadsticks...

At the beginning of this post, I said that today was Thursday already. You all know about what happens on Thursday nights. Yes, it's Tease Time, and I hope that I don't have any computer problems like the ones that made me miss last week's chat. I'm gonna stop on the way home and get a birthday cheesecake so that I'll have it to eat during Tease Time, which will satisfy the last of the homework assignments that the Stroke Princess gave me during our call.

I hope to see you all there, and Princess, as always... You know what?

little bitchass

Time's Running Out... Did A New Modem Fix It? Will The Call Happen? Questions... Questions...

Well, the first part of the question should've been easy to answer, but I had a feeling that things wouldn't turn out to be easy, and I was right. I exchanged my modem at the Comcast store and took it home, after making sure that I asked if there was any activation that needed to be done after the installation, even if it was a quick call to Comcast, it would've been OK. I was assured that no, I just "hook it up and go".

Well, I got home and hooked it up, and as soon as I plugged it in, the lights all started blinking in what looked like normal fashion. Easy, right? Wrong!

I went to the computer and up popped an activation screen. It said I needed to download a file and run the activation software. Unfortunately, when I tried to do this, it kept telling me that it couldn't connect to the internet. Not sure how I was able to get the Comcast screen if I had no connection to the internet, but if I tried to open my browser, it kept saying I had no connection. We won't go into detail about what I had to do to get up and running, but one system restore and a bunch of IP releases, renews, and cold reboots later, I was connected again and testing out the system. I have no idea exactly what happened, but was left wondering if the modem went out and somehow had corrupted my browser software. I do know that the modem was bad, and so I don't feel quite so stupid.

By the time I was done, it was almost time for me to see if the Stroke Princess was gonna be able to do a call. I wasn't able to reach Her all day, and so I had no idea if She was gonna be available or not. But sure enough, almost at 10 Eastern on the dot, my IM window lit up and it was Princess! Never a doubt, right???

We talked over a few things in IM for a short time, then it was time for the call. As we always do, a good portion at the beginning of the call was spent getting caught up with what each other was doing. I love this part of the call, because it makes me feel closer to Princess. We talk about lots of things, both good and bad, and laugh a lot about other things, but you already know this, I've told you in just about every post I write about our phone calls.

We had to do the call on Friday night, and not on Saturday, which was actually my birthday. But none of that really mattered, just making the connection with Princess was enough. She told me a few things about the party I had missed at Tease Time on Thursday night, and after I told Her that I felt bad that I had to miss my own party, She told me that we could have another one this coming Thursday, and that I should bring a big honking slice of cheesecake along for my slice of birthday cake!

And by the way, thank you BillyBear for the nice birthday message!

I also listened as She went on Amazon and bought me a birthday prezzie! How cool is that??? I'll tell you more about that after I receive it, but to have Princess Grace think enough of you to buy you a prezzie is unbelievably yummy! Thank You so much, Princess! ::hugs the screen::

Before too long, it was "Princess Pounce Time"...

I heard the change in Her voice and knew I'd better fasten my seatbelt, because the ride was about to begin!

The main part of Her pounce was the fact that I had been cumming on a regular schedule ever since She put me on the "Walkies n' Water Program". About 3 weeks ago, She changed it up on me, not letting me cum anymore, and that began a period of denial. No cage, just free will denial... She pointed out to me during the call (like I didn't realize it already) that it must be very hard to not be allowed to cum when I want to, after being allowed to once every other day or so. I had to pretty much agree with Her assessment of the situation.

The more She talked about it, the more needy and wanty I became. She kept me off balance by pushing my other fetish hot buttons along the way, and then it was right back to how bad it must feel for me not to be able to cum. I don't know how long we bounced back and forth between different fetishes of mine that She knows how to torture me about, but OMG She is sooooo good at it!

At one point, She even read me Her unreleased blogpost about mindfucking, and it is awesome to hear Her read that to you, knowing that She is mindfucking you the whole time anyway! Deeper and deeper She dropped me into subpace, until all I could think about was how much I wanted and needed to cum. I was ready to do anything She wanted to be allowed to cum just one time. Yes, I was that desperate...

"How badly do you want to cum, Honey Bunny? Enough to do anything I want?"

::giggles::

I was fucked! Shit! And I knew it!

"Princess, please... just let me cum this one time and I'll do whatever You want"

"You realize of course, that that means you might not be allowed to cum for a long long time.. maybe 6 months? Maybe more? Maybe back in the cage?"

I was really pathetic...

"Yes Princess.. I realize that and I don't care, please just let me cum tonight... Pleeeeeeeaaaassseee?"

A little voice in my head started sounding the alarm...

"jem, you fool... shut up before it's too late!"

But it was already too late... Princess sealed the deal by letting me cum, and I'll be making the payment later. She didn't say what the cost was, but I may even find out by Sunday night. Whatever it is, I have to say it was one of the greatest orgasms I have ever had, and one of the longest lasting too. Princess even remarked that it sounded long to Her too...

::giggles::

"That sounded like you enjoyed it, Honey! It went on for almost a whole minute!"

Then, with me still buried deep in subspace, She told me what my birthday homework was, which was that I was gonna be allowed to cum twice more on Saturday, but after that, It was back to waiting for Her to give me permission again. My head was still spinning, somehow thankful for the chance that I may never cum again. Don't ask me... I'm just the subbie here.

"Don't worry Honey, I have a plan for you..."

And then the call was over... we said our goodnights, and Princess told me that She prolly would not see me on my birthday, because She was preparing to play the Jello Queen at the Dance Party She was going to on Saturday, but that She may catch up with me on Sunday.

And on Saturday, I enjoyed my birthday, I came twice, and even though I have no idea what's in store for me next, I'm happy... I got to talk to my Stroke Princess... and it was wonderful.

Thank You for another great call, Princess! Your bitchass wuvs You!

little bitchass

Leave It To Jemmie...

...to miss her own birthday party. I'm not real happy about missing it, but it looks like everybody had fun at least, if you go by the Tease Time Report that ran in the Occasional Assassin today.

I would've loved to have been there, but I spent the last two nights trying to work on the phone with Comcast Tech Support to have them diagnose the problem that was keeping me from getting to the Internet. You know, it's like rolling the dice whenever you have to call these people. Sometimes you get a good tech, sometimes you get a lazy bastard who clearly doesn't want to be bothered to do anything beyond reading from their script. This is why I try to avoid having to talk to these people like I would try to avoid the plague.

I had already decided from doing my own troubleshooting that the problem was with the modem that I lease from Comcast. But I had to call Tech Support for two reasons. One was to find out if there was an outage in my area that might explain something, and the second is that I have to have a Tech authorize a modem exchange.

On Wednesday night, I talked to a script reader who had no interest at all in doing any troubleshooting, and I would have pressed her on it until she told me that there was in fact an outage in my area, and that it would be fixed by the next morning. I was a fool . I believed her.

The next morning before I left for work, I checked the connection but it was still out. I checked it again after getting home from work yesterday, and you guessed it, still no Internet. Back I go to the phone to call Tech Non-Support again. But first, I bypassed my router by hooking up directly from my network card to the modem and tried a few things... still nothing. If I hadn't done that, the tech would've claimed that the problem was with my router. So I called, hoping that the tech will magically reset everything, and I'll still be able to get online in time for Tease Time. Wishful thinking, I know. Stupid me.

This time the tech said there was no local outage, like I hadn't figured this out by now, but at least he was more willing to do something. I figured if nothing else we'll diagnose a bad modem and he'll authorize an exchange for me, even if it means I'll be offline for another night. But he made things interesting. He told me that since he could see my modem, the problem was obviously with my equipment. Now, I'm no expert on this but I had already had my computer talking to my router and my router was talking back, so I figured that I was prolly OK up to the router at least.

When I pointed that out to him, and told him that I could not see his gateway, he told me to wait a few minutes, and after having me release and renew the IP address and reboot a few times, he said he was thinking now that it was the modem. He wrote up an authorization for me to exchange the modem. Lovely.

Like I said, I'm no expert at this, and I have a nagging thought in the back of my head that maybe I missed something. Maybe I'll get the new modem and find out that I still can't get online. Or not.

If the modem fixes the problem, I'm gonna figure that if the first tech had been willing to check a little, I could've gotten the new modem after work on Thursday, and still had enough time to get things running. If this happens, then I'm blaming Comcast for making me miss my own damn birthday party.

If I find out that the problem lies elsewhere, I'll fess up and tell everybody what the actual problem turns out to be, whether it makes me look stupid or not. I'ts not like I haven't heard that before anyway.

See you all next time!

Princess, thanks for the Bitchin' Birthday Party, I just wish I coulda made it to it. Hopefully we'll be doing a call this weekend.

As always, Your bitchass wuvs You!

little bitchass

Thank You Everybody!

I just wanted to thank all of you for pushing my blog over the 20,000 reader mark today! Now I've got my sights set on Princess Grace's 221,000+ mark. I'm hoping to catch up to Her soon!

little bitchass

It Seems Like Just Yesterday That I Posted Something... Oh Wait.. It WAS Yesterday, Wasn't It?...

My last post showed you the condition that the Stroke Princess' denial program has left me in. Well it didn't get any better at work yesterday, and it definitely didn't get any better last night. I did catch a break in that I didn't have to sit and watch any hotties at the gas station and since last night was not my walkies night, I didn't have to endure seeing those tanned legs and long, swinging ponytails on the walking track. The relief was short-lived though, because after I ate dinner, it was time to go to the Kink Chatroom for Ms Grace's Tease Time chat.

Bear with me because my notes are not too easy to read today, probably because my handwriting suffers when I'm doing more than one thing with my right hand at pretty much the same time.

I had just finished dinner and was sitting down at the desk when I noticed the orange button lit up at the bottom of my screen, letting me know I had an IM waiting. I opened it and, yep it was from who you think, and She was telling me that She had gone into the chatroom a bit early, and for me to stop in if I was around. So in I went. When Ms Grace invites me somewhere, I don't fool around doing other things, I'm there ASAP.

My first order of business after arriving in the chatroom is always to greet Princess and any other Mistresses, then I pick Princess up and give Her my customary TWIRLLLLL, which excites Her right off the bat. Well, maybe it doesn't excite Her so much as to make Her dizzy, but that's not what's important here. As long as She doesn't throw up, what's important is that I show Her I'm happy to see her when She's around.

The next thing I do is to respond to everybody who has said hello while I was occupied with Princess Twirling, and after that I say hello to the rest of the room. That is, unless they are on my shit list, in which case I right away drop an ignore on their ass.

Princess began the chat by pointing out that there were subs above Her on the room list, and that this wouldn't fly. The ones who were above Her had better leave the room and come back with a letter in front of their names that would drop them down below Her on the list. A few didn't, and Princess had to threaten one of them, who had asked for a phone call after chat, that if he wanted to talk to Her, he'd better get his name fixed like, yesterday. Out the door he went.

The name change thing became a problem though, as more and more people flooded into the room. At one point, Princess said "Fuck this!" and added a second Avatar, with the name 1_Princess. This put Her back on top of the list and it solved the problem very neatly.

BillyBear made his triumphant return to Tease Time last night. BB has been worn down to the point of catatonia by the slavedriving, insect overlords at his workplace, and he was only able to make it into Tease Time last night after changing his name to the_zombieBB. It wasn't long though before Princess had him energized again and tossing insults at Steph Marie (who was continually trying to dispatch him) and myself. Next week I'm going to have to start bringing my kitchen utensils with me again. It was good to see the little blue fuzzball again though. Tease Time is missing something when he's not there.

Now Princess revealed that She had a few new MP3s for everybody to listen to, and sent everyone to Her blog to listen to them as She posted the links.

The first one was more stroker oriented, and it was called "Stroke_addiction". I'll try to link it to her blog to save you the trouble of navigating over there, but if you are smart, you will already have Her blog bookmarked so you can keep up on what's happening in Princessland. I hope the link works for you. If not, go to Her blog and find it for yourself.

The second new MP3 was a lot more up my alley, and I even told Princess later that I felt like She was talking directly to me in it. It was more sissy oriented and was called "Sissy Mindcontrol". Princess pushed a lot of my hotbuttons with this one, but I still have a lot of hotbuttons left in reserve that She didn't push with it. I guess She didn't want to take the chance of scaring anyone else away. I'm sure She won't let the rest of my buttons remain unpushed for very long, especially since She knows what a needy pet I am at the moment.

The notes that I took during and after listening to the MP3s get a lot fuzzier and harder to understand. I know why that is, and it's because listening to her MP3s always drop me into subspace, and once I'm down there, I'm not much good for the next few hours. But I'll try to make sense out of what notes I have, but I'm not guaranteeing anything.

Princess knew exactly where Her MP3s had left everyone, but She still likes to ask how everybody is feeling, and then lets out one of Her trademarked giggles. The responses are usually mixed, ranging from coherent answers to ones that make you go, "HUH???" I can tell you that listening to them made me even worse of a mess than I was the past few days, if that was possible.

While we were still slackjawed and drooling, Princess started telling us about some of the fantasies that She enjoys thinking about for Herself.

One is loosely based on an MP3 She made called "The Cummie Bowl", only this cummie bowl was not a bowl, but more like a bathtub. I'll let your imagination work with this one, but Her slow and teasy description of sliding those yummy feet of Hers into the tub was giving me all kinds of bad thoughts.

She also told everybody how much She loves watching boys stroke. She also likes to hear them when they cum... that is, if She lets them cum. She then told everyone to get out their cocks and clitties, and imagine being in a circle around Her. Everybody was told to stroke or rub while She launched into one of Her devilish teases. She was undecided on whether to let us cum or not, because there were a few of us who she wanted to get on the phone before She would even think about giving permission. In the end, nobody got to cum, because Princess thought it would be unfair to the ones who already weren't being allowed.

A wave of frustration rippled through the chatroom, and I could picture the evil grin that must have been lighting up Princess' face.

After everyone sorta calmed down, we all got into a discussion of good seafood. Shrimpy was visibly nervous as we discussed how good lobster, crablegs, and yes, shrimp tasted. Then Princess brought up cheesecake, which makes me almost as wanty as Her denial program does. She knows how much I like cheesecake, and how much I'd love a few pieces... and worked me over with that just like She does with Her sexual teasing. If only I wasn't on Her water and walkies program....

A few last facts that you may not know about... Princess says that beer and cigarettes make a person's cum taste bitter. Did you know that?

She also revealed that She has a straw fetish. The straws have to be big and thick, but I'll let Her explain that one to you.

One last item, next Saturday is my birthday, and it's supposed to be a surprise for me, but I think there may be a party in the chatroom next Thursday night. I'm not 100% sure of that though, since I'm not supposed to know, but stay tuned...

As for me, I'm outta here, and will see you all next time.

Princess, Your bitchass wuvs Youuuuuuu....

little bitchass

Hmmmm.... Thursday Already... Tease Time Is Tonight...

But since I'm on my lunch break at work, and since I feel like writing a little sumpin', I'll pass on a little "State of the Jem" post.

I got an email from the Stroke Princess yesterday afternoon, just before I left to make the trip home. She had just finished making a new MP3 and sent me a copy so I could give Her my opinion on it. She will probably deny this, but I know Princess, and She had another reason for sending it to me.

Princess Grace is always calculating a pet's wanty quotient, which I'll call the WQ for the remainder this post. With me, She knew that one, I couldn't listen to the MP3 at work, and I'd be anticipating it all through my drive home. If that isn't enough, Princess also knew that yesterday was Wednesday, which is my walkies day. That means that I have an even longer delay before I can listen. Princess knows all of this, and She calculates my WQ from all the factors.

Add to that the fact that at the moment, Princess has taken away my afterwalkies cumming privileges until She decides that I can start cumming again. I know that I have been locked up for long periods of time before, but I had forgotten just how tough denial by free will was. The only thing that makes wearing the cage harder is the fact that it's very uncomfortable and inconvenient, a big pain in the ass to keep clean, and you can't go commando if you want to.

So, I left work yesterday, knowing that it would still be another couple of hours before I even got to listen to the MP3. I was needy, wanty, and one horny pet the whole drive home.

During the drive, whenever I was stopped at a redlight, there always seemed to be a hot looking girl waiting in the next lane over. This drives me crazy, maybe she has sexy hair... maybe a hot set of earrings... maybe her makeup is yummy.. maybe she has awesome nails... all this keeps adding to my WQ.

Just before I got home, I realized I needed to get gas, so I pulled into my usual gas station, and ran smack into long lines. Just what I needed.. a longer wait. When the line moved enough to where the car right in front to me got to the pump, what happens? A freakin' hot looking little minx in a skirt (yes, hose and heels too) gets out and starts pumping gas. Any other time, this would have been some old guy in bermuda shorts and sandals with black socks. But no... not today... I have to sit here and watch this girl pumping gas... gripping the hose with her long fingers... mmmm... OMG... As I sat there looking at her, I realized that I was absentmindedly rubbing my crotch. WQ went to the top of the scale. Thankfully she got her gas pumped and left before I did a Lucky and needed to squeegee the inside of my windshield.

I got my gas without any further problems, surprisingly, because I still had the girl's image in my head, and I was lucky I didn't spray gas everywhere. Now it was time to head for the house and do my walkies. Then another half hour before I could eat some dinner. Then and only then could I finally get to listen to Princess Grace's MP3.

I got home, changed my clothes, including a bra that Princess specified that I wear when I walk, and went out the door to get the task over with. There's a small park near my house with a walking track, and so I drove over there instead of just walking around my neighborhood streets. This turned out to be a mistake, because it seemed like every other person walking was a cute girl in shorts, tanned legs a mile long, and every damn one of them had a long sexy ponytail, swinging back and forth over an equally sexy ass swinging from side to side. WQ went through the roof.

I made it back home without doing something in public that would make even Lucky blush, and ate my dinner, trying to not think about what listening to the MP3 was gonna do to me. But it was hopeless. I already knew what it was gonna do. But I listened to it anyway because Princess wanted me to.

The new MP3 dealt with the subject of brainwashing and mind control, and how Princess was able to control a seemingly strong man just by a visual trigger, and make him do whatever She wanted him to do. When he met Her, he thought She was gonna be just some easy lay, but oh how wrong he was. I'm not gonna tell you any more about what happens in the MP3, because I don't want to spoil it for you. Princess said She would be posting it soon. All I can say is that hypnosis and control is a pretty yummy subject for me, and hearing it played out in Princess Grace's awesomely sexy voice made it unbelievably hot for me. I was a total mess by the time the MP3 was over, and I mean mentally, because I was able to be good and do what Princess had told me, which was "NO CUMMIES!"

A while later, a little before bedtime, up pops an IM window from Princess. She wants to know what I thought of the MP3. Who did She think She was trying to fool? I could tell by all the giggles that She knew from the very beginning that I was already in a condition where listening to that thing would leave me drooling and slackjawed, with my hand rubbing desperately at my crotch. But I was able to verbalize enough to tell Her how much I enjoyed it, and I added that I hoped She was happy, because I knew that I was gonna have a very rough time lying in bed before going to sleep.

And I did. As I laid there, my thoughts were..

"C'mon jem... you want to don't you? Just edge for a little while... you don't have to cum... but what if you did cum? Princess will never know... c'mon.. you know you wanna...."

But I was able to fight off those demons and go to sleep before I did something that I would have been ashamed to have to tell the Stroke Princess about. It wasn't easy, but I knew I'd feel like shit afterwards if I defied Her instructions.

So that was my day. How was yours?

See you all tonight at Tease Time!

Princess, as always, Your bitchass wuvs You!

little bitchass

Newsflash! A Change At Tease Time!

Well, it's probably old news by now, since I know of at least one blog that broke the story before I could scoop the Occasional Assassin. It doesn't help matters much that I'm posting about it 5 days after it happened, but bitchass has been busy.

The Stroke Princess decided to make a change to the show's format for a night, and She had Domina Amanda there to help Her manage a wild game of Truth or Dare. Ms Cassandra was present at the start of Tease Time as well, but had to leave before too long to go and take care of some other urgent matter. I think She had a dog to discipline. I'm not sure if he's housebroken or not, so maybe he peed on the floor or something.

Pretty much as soon as I got into the room, I was told I had to change my chatroom name to something starting with a letter later than "M". There's some kind of a bug it the chat client that is placing Mistresses down in the middle of the room list. They couldn't have a sub being on top of a Mistress, so I left and came back with the new name, "x_jem_of_the_jungle". I know it's not funny. I'm just reporting things from the notes I wrote down, OK?

Then, as soon as Truth or Dare was about to start, I was told that if I wanted to play the game, I now had to leave and add "player" to the front of my chatroom name. Out I went again, and now I was "player_x_jem_of_the_jungle". Again, not funny, but hey, it helps my word count.

Ms Grace started the game by going over the rules for the chatters. When you were chosen, you could choose either "truth" or "dare", with Princess Grace asking the "truth" questions, and Domina Amanda assigning the "dare" tasks. There were only a few souls brave enough to ask for a dare from Ms Amanda, but player_bankyboo and player_asia were a few of the ones who did. Asia was made to wear a pair of panties on his head until he was asked another question, which Potty had to have scoffed at as old hat... you know.. the "been there done that" thing. Banky was told to get on the phone with Princess Grace and fake a momentous woman's orgasm, and from what I heard, it was hilarious. Banky was probably more convincing at that than he was in his attempts to prove his manliness.

We had a chatter in the room named Molly, who seemed to want to play, but just couldn't wrap her head around the "leave and change your name" part. But she didn't let not having "player" tacked onto her name stop her, because she started helping out by answering other peoples questions when they were asked.

We also had a chatter who went by the name james696969, who was more intent on being an X-rated comedian than participating in the game. The game would've gone much smoother if someone had gagged him as soon as he first opened his mouth. I mean, if you want to play, sit back and play, but don't act like an ass and disrupt the game. That's being very disrespectful to the Mistresses trying to run the game.

Which also reminds me, I need to find out just what it was that tease_me_for_cash was on, because I sure want some of it for next week's chat.

As far as my involvement in the game, I thought it was kind of interesting that both of the questions I got asked involved buying stuff in sex shops.

Princess mentioned that the Truth or Dare format may either be continued as a feature in tease Time, or possibly even get it's own night. I liked the game, but at the same time, I also liked Tease Time in it's older format as well, so I'm hoping that the game will get it's own night. I hope if it does, that Domina Amanda continues to participate in it, because Her involvement added a whole new dimension to the game...

Fear!

LOL.... sorry Domina Amanda, I'm kidding! I totally enjoyed Your presence in the chat. I hope You and the Stroke Princess will form a team and make this a recurring event.

Well, I've about run out of notes, so that's it for this week's report, and I'll see y'all next time!

Princess Grace, You know Your bitchass wuvs Ya, don't Ya?

little bitchass

I Had The Good Fortune Of Being Able To IM With Princess Grace Yesterday...

We chatted about a lot of different things that have been going on, and there was quite a bit there to talk about, since I haven't been online or updating my blog very much these last few weeks, what with my air conditioning problems and being almost non-stop busy at work. I miss Her a lot when we don't get a chance to chat, and this time I felt guilty because it was my fault that we haven't chatted because I just haven't been around very much.

We had a great chat, but we had to wind it down because She had things to do, and I had to get back to work. But before we said goodbye, Princess gave me some homework. As you know if you have been keeping up with my blog (c'mon, it's not that hard, considering I've hardly been writing), Princess has had me drinking lots of water instead of soft drinks and doing an exercise walking program. I am walking for 30 minutes after work on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. As a reward for doing my walkies, I get to cum that evening after I get home. Well, this has been great, because except for the one time that we played "The Cummie Game", this is more than I have cum in a week since the time I became one of Ms Grace's pets. Well, yesterday, Princess decided that it was time to change things up.

At first I panicked, because my first thought was,

"Oh no, She's gonna cage me!"

I asked Her what She had in mind, and She told me,

"Not what you think.. ::giggles::"

She said that She wasn't gonna cage me right now, but that She would leave the possibility hanging over my head, and that She liked the idea of me not knowing where and when She was gonna tell me to put the cage on. Instead, Her instructions were to edge for Her 3 times last night while listening to Her MP3s, and edge 4 more times today and tonight, but neither night was I gonna be allowed to cum. She left it at,

"after that, we'll see about Thursday."

And so, I'm left to wonder what She has in store for me tomorrow. The uncertainty is driving me nuts, along with the frustration of edging to the point of almost cumming, and then stopping.

Then there was more homework... After explaining to me what She wanted as far as the edging goes, She also told me that She wanted me to write Her a little essay. I think the idea came to Her from a part of our chat, where we talked a little bit about the fact that in a couple of months, we will be celebrating the 2-Year Anniversary of the date She took me as Her pet, and how awesome the last two years together have been.

And so, the second half of this blog entry will be my essay, and it's focused on You, Princess, because it's gonna be about our relationship. Of course, everyone else is welcome to read it too... I don't think Princess Grace will mind.

"What I Think It Takes"

When I'm in the chatroom, other people will ask me, "Where's Princess?" or "Have you seen Princess?" I had never given this a whole lot of thought before, but while thinking about this essay, I realized that most of the people who ask me this recognize the fact that Princess Grace and I are close friends, and so they think that I must know where She is at any given time. I usually don't know any more than anybody else, but I will agree that our relationship is special, and different than what I've seen with most others. This thought led me to the main topic of my essay, which is, what do I do that's different from others who never develop such a close relationship with Her?

In the 2 years that I have been Ms Grace's pet, I have seen quite a few people come and go. It always amazes me to see the methods that some people use to try and impress a Mistress to the point where She will take them as a pet. I'm not gonna go into specifics here, but I am constantly left shaking my head at the things some people do to get a Mistress' attention, which to my mind can't help but torpedo their chances. Instead, all I'm gonna write about are the things that I try to do in order to be a good pet for Ms Grace.

The first thing I do is to try and understand the reality of the situation. I can picture a lot of people right now who probably fell out of their chairs hearing that, because I've been accused many times of not being able to separate fantasy from reality, but I'm not going to get into that here, except to say that everything I do, no matter if it looks extreme to others or not, gives me some kind of satisfaction and makes me happy.

The reality that I'm talking about is that I try to keep in mind that Princess Grace is a professional PSO, who makes a living taking phone calls from clients. Any interaction that might occur outside of the paid phone call is Extra Credit and totally by Her choice. I'm NOT talking about meeting Her in person, but She may choose to exchange IMs or emails with people, and the reasons could be anything from wanting to keep the client interested between calls, to doing it because She just genuinely enjoys interacting with them. What I do is to try to make sure that She truly likes interacting with me.

In any relationship, and even though this may be a different type of relationship, it's a two-way street. The expression, "You get out of a relationship what you put into it" is very true in this case. I try to understand what it is that Princess enjoys, what feeds Her needs, and give as much of it as I can to Her. If I know that She enjoys being in control, then I give Her control. If I know that She enjoys locking people up, then I am willing to be locked up. If I know that She does NOT like to be pushed into things, then I don't do things that push Her. If I know that She likes to laugh, I try to make Her laugh.

The key here is that I keep in mind that this is not "all about me". Instead, as I see it, it's "all about Ms Grace", and I am always seeing people who clearly think that Princess owes them Her attention on a silver platter. This amounts to "pushing", and it doesn't surprise me that these people may not get a whole lot of contact with Princess outside of phone calls.

I think that Princess enjoys the fact that I'm always "willing". I'm willing to do things for Her that give Her enjoyment or tickle Her Domme bone. I don't ever have to worry about Her asking me do things that could be overly dangerous, and because of that, I can truthfully say that I would do anything for Her that She asks me to do. I trust Her completely, and that's why I don't worry. At the same time, being totally willing to do anything She tells me to do scratches my subbie itch as well. What we do is work together, and it gives us both satisfaction. Again, it's a 2-way street, and I recognize that.

Princess Grace also has a personal life, outside of Her area of employment. On occasion, She needs to take care of Her personal needs, and in doing so, She becomes less visible at times. This causes many of Her pets to suffer from withdrawal, and I'll admit that I can be affected by it too, especially if it lasts for very long. But if I keep in mind what I said above, about this being "about Her", I will calm down and realize that She needs time for personal things too, and it doesn't help to keep badgering Her. Don't keep bugging Her about it, just leave it alone... She'll be back.

Lastly, I try always to treat Her with respect. There have been instances in the chatroom where people try to be clever and funny, and say things to Princess that you don't say to ANY woman, let alone a Mistress that you are trying to impress. What are they thinking? That this is gonna endear Her to them? Be clever, be funny, but above all, be respectful. Making Her not like you is not the best way to impress Her.

I don't claim to be the best pet around, or even an especially good one, but I know that I have enjoyed almost 2 years of this special relationship with Princess Grace, so maybe I'm doing a few things right. At least it works for me. I'm not bragging, but if you want to know why Princess is not giving you the attention that you're seeking, look at yourself in the mirror first.

With that, I'm gonna close out this post, and since tonight is Thursday, I'll see a lot of you at Tease Time tonight.

Princess, as always, Your bitchas wuvs You! See You tonight!

little bitchass