Bloggin' With Bitchass

Bitchass's descent into madness...

I came home from work yesterday, and as I got close to the door, I looked down and there it was.... OMG.... it's here! "The Box"! "Hello Boxy! How was your trip? Awwww...you look all lonely and cold sitting here all by yourself. Let me take you inside!" So I picked Boxy up and hugged it and gave it a nice big twirl on the front doorstep, ignoring the stares from my neighbors, who were by then grabbing their kids and pulling them back towards their front doors.

Once inside the house, I had to go turn the computer on so I could vote for Princess Grace, and I sat the box down on the end of the computer desk. As I voted (for the 97th time today) and browsed some blogs, I couldn't help but to take quick glances at it every 10 seconds or so. I smelled a faint aroma of cotton candy, and it seemed to be coming from the direction of the box. The words "Open me", in glowing red letters, kept blinking on and off in my brain. But I knew I had to ignore the temptation, because the contents of ol' Boxy here were not gonna see the light of day until after I get Princess on the phone.

I left the computer to go have some dinner, and when I was done and getting up from the table, I looked down and the box was sitting on the floor next to me. Hmmmm... coulda swore I left it on the computer desk. Oh well, maybe I brought it with me to look at the label some more or to check it over for Princess' fingerprints. So I took it back and put it back on the desk again.

I had to do some laundry, so I took some clothes out into the garage and threw them in the washer. When I came back in, I just about fell over the box, because it somehow was sitting on the floor right in front of the door. "Hey, didn't I leave that on the desk?" Back to the desk it went. This was getting pretty wierd, and actually was starting to worry me a little bit. Has Princess finally teased me so much about inflatable butt plugs and 20 foot dildoes that I've gone over the edge?

Back at the computer, I started working on a blog entry about something or other, and while I was concentrating on it, I became aware of a faint, soft voice.

Sounded sorta like, "open me"

"What? Who said that?"

Now I'm really scared. I got up and walked around the house to see if somebody else was around, but nobody else was there. Puzzled beyond comprehension I go back to sit down at the computer and there sitting on my chair is you know who. OK... maybe I'm going about this in the wrong way, so I figured I'd try to get a conversation going with the box. "Ummm.. hey there Boxy... how's it going?" Yesss... reason with Boxy.... I know.... I've lost it...

Boxy didn't answer me, but instead just sat quietly until I started typing again.

"open me"

"Boxy! Did you say something?"

"open me... you know you wanna..."

"Ummmm... Boxy.... I'd love to open ya, but I'm not allowed to until Princess Grace is here to listen."

"open me now... she'll never know..."

"Now dammit, Boxy, you know she'll find out... she always does... and then I'll be in trouble..."

"open me you stupid motherfu......" I threw my coat over Boxy until it calmed down, but every once in awhile I would hear a muffled "open meeeeeeeee!" from under the coat. Eventually it got quiet. I guess Boxy had finally gone to sleep. I felt kinda sorry for Boxy because it probably didn't sleep very well on the FedEx truck. So I took it into the bedroom and gently placed it on the bedstand, where it spent the rest of the night. Boxy is not fooling me for one minute though. I know it's awake..... it's always awake.... waiting.... planning.... staring at me....

Princess! Make it stop looking at meeeeeee!

little bitchass

This story might be just a tiny bit fictionalized. Before you start thinking I've completely lost my mind, this story is intended to be a metaphor for what has been going through my head since Princess shipped the box to me, with instructions not to open it. For background, you may want to read this and this. Hmmmm come to think of it, maybe I finally HAVE lost my mind.... thanks a lot for that, Princess.....