Bloggin' With Bitchass

Alright Bitchass, Chill Will Ya? I'm Writin' Somethin'...

I'm only doin' this because Bitchass says I need a hobby. Something that'll occupy me and take my mind off of my problems. She suggested a diary, but to me, a diary sounds dorky.... like something a cute little Mama's Girl would write. So if anybody laughs at me, you're gonna wake up with something that'll make Ebola seem like a head cold.

I really don't know anything about writing a diary. None of my friends wrote them, but I guess that's because I never had any friends when I was growing up. I'm not sure why, but most of the girls and boys I met would get this frightened look in their eyes, and BOOM! , I would never see them again. The few that actually hung around and let me come visit them at their houses, all seemed to have their families pack up and move away after a couple of weeks and I'd never see them again either.

I guess you can imagine that I didn't have much fun as a kid, and you're right, but I did eventually find a friend. One day I was outside burning bugs with my magnifying glass, when I heard a noise under our back porch. I crawled under there to look, and I found this old starving 3-legged cat. I grabbed him by one of his legs, I'm not sure which of the three it was, and dragged him out where I could see him. He was kinda scrawny and pathetic looking, but at least he didn't get that look in his eyes and run away, so I decided to adopt him as my friend. I named him Tripod, and we had lots of fun playing together.

Me and Tripod became best friends and I spent pretty much all my time with him, until one day I came home and couldn't find him. Dad told me he must've run away or something. I cried and I waited, and I cried and I waited, but my sweet little Tripod never came back. Then, a few months later, I found a note taped to my bicycle seat that was from one of the neighbors. It said that she had seen Dad backing out of the driveway one day, and he had run over poor Tripod, squishing him flat as a hubcap. The note said that Dad just shoveled him up into a bag and tossed him in the trash. That was the first time I ran away from home.

I came back after about a week of living under our porch, but things with me and Dad were never the same after that. I began to get in trouble at school, and some of the neighbors for some reason started to call the cops on me whenever I'd set their trashcans on fire, or when I put flaming bags of dog shit in front of their doors and rang their doorbells. What else was I gonna do? I was bored to death because I had nobody to play with, and my Mom and Dad seemed like they didn't like me very much.

I finally became close with my Auntie Ava, who used to come and visit us every so often. She was the one who gave me the nickname Corruptrix, and I started to use that and pretty much never went by my birth name again, which actually is Edith, and if you even crack a smile at that, I guarantee that you won't ever want to smile again, once all of your teeth turn green and fall out.

Mom and Dad used to talk about Auntie behind her back, saying she was "an odd duck". I overheard them talking about her one night, and it sounded like they were saying that she thought she was some kind of a witch or something. That sounded pretty cool to me, and so I tried to hang around with her as much as I could whenever she visited. What was really neat was that she didn't seem to be afraid of me, like all the others were. She seemed to like showing me some of the cool magical things she could do, and that was when I decided that I wanted to be a witch just like she was!

Other than my Auntie, I've only had one other person who ever came close to being my friend, and that's Little Bitchass here. Funny thing is, I don't remember exactly where or when we met. I think she grew up in an orphanage nearby, but she seems OK, and doesn't seem to be too scared of me either, except for sometimes when I get a little angry around her. Then she gets a little nervous I think. One thing that's really strange is that Bitchass and I look a lot alike. I'm not sure what that means, but it's pretty cool. I'm kinda jealous of her big boobs though....

Anyway, as I got into my teens, things around the house only got worse and worse, as I got more and more bored. The straw that broke the camel's back and changed my life forever was the time I decided I'd have some fun with the congregation at our family's church. Auntie Ava and I had been playing with magic potions for a few months, and I figured it was time for me to make my first ever potion. I worked really hard at it, and boy did I come up with a doozy! I took the potion to church and spiked the communion wine with it when nobody was looking. Then I sat back and watched. Eventually I started to notice people starting to squirm, and a few started to unbutton their shirts and blouses like it was getting hot in there.

Before too long, the whole congregation, including the Pastor, was getting naked and throwing their clothes everywhere. Then they all paired off and started fucking like bunnies in the pews, on the floor, everywhere! That went on for a couple of hours until somebody called the cops. When the cops came in, they knew right away who was behind it all, since most of them knew I was a troublemaker, and also because I was the only one who wasn't fucking somebody. I was just standing back by the door laughing my ass off!

The cops hauled me outta there for questioning, but they let me go after having some kind of a secret meeting with the townspeople, including the Pastor and my Mom and Dad. The next day, I was driven out to the edge of town and told never to come back. That was the last time I saw Mom and Dad, and to this day there is no record of me ever living in that town or going to school there. I think they burned all the records, but I'm not sure.

I decided I'd hitch a ride to my Auntie Ava's place and see if she would help me out, but that's another story for another time, and I'm already starting to depress myself, so maybe I'll write more later..... if I feel like it....

You wouldn't like me when I'm depressed.....

Corruptrix