Bloggin' With Bitchass

Freaky Friday... Journey down the Nile... (and no, I don't mean denial... It's the river...)

It seems that this month and the upcoming week coincide with the Festival of Bast, Protector of Cats. And since cats are often the favorite creature of witches, what could be a better theme for this week's Freaky Friday? To find out more about the Festival, and for some background on the Goddess Bast, look here.

The first indication of trouble began when a somewhat familiar looking bear entered the room sporting the moniker BillyBast, which caused the Mistresses to focus on him immediately. He was about to take on Corruptrix when he was pounced upon by Miz Ava, who stripped him of his pseudo powers and officially renamed him BillyBastard. Miz Ava and Ms Veronica began toying with him like cats with a captive mouse. His call from Princess Grace came just in the nick of time, and he escaped just as his shaved red ass was about to become mouse mousse.

The rest of the innocents are then herded onto a boat that will take them down the Nile to a sacred spot where the Festival of Bast is by now in full swing. I was in charge of making sure that all got onboard, and was allowed to practice my whipping skills to keep the line moving up the gangplank. I had to snap StephMarie's ass a few times for wasting time sashaying and holding up the line.

Once the boat was loaded, oars were assigned, which led to the second problem of the night. The trip was taking forever and I finally noticed that I had seated all of the righthanded strokers on the same side of the boat, and it seems we had been rowing in circles for a good hour. After some reseating to mix the righthanders and lefthanders, we again got underway. We were making good progress until we seemed to be veering to one side, and the problem was traced to PotOGold, who had developed a severe case of the munchies and had stopped rowing to eat a couple of bags of cornchips.

He was so busy eating his chips that he didn't hear Miz Ava tell him "God damn it Pot! Be a team player for once! Knock it off and get with the program", and so I gave him a little zap to wake him up. Unfortunately the zap startled him and a couple of the little green spud people that Ms Veronica had thoughtfully implanted in his ass a few weeks ago, got out and started running around in the boat. I had to stomp on them, which wasn't such a great idea as we had to stop the boat while I cleaned off the bottoms of my shoes.

Then we had Sonny Boy, who has watched WAY too many pirate movies, and he somehow morphed into a pirate and started spouting Piratespeak. He was distraught that he didn't have a real eyepatch, and instead had to use one of his wife's transdermal Testosterone patches over his eye. Ms Veronica said that we had better get to shore soon because Sonny's timber was gonna start shivering at any time. I tried to tell him "No timber shivering this far from shore", and it was beginning to look like something might erupt at any time. Thankfully, and by some miracle, the boat finally arrived at the festival site before Sonny did any serious damage.

In true Bast Festival Tradition, wine and other spirits are flowing, and music and dance errupt. Offerings of catnip, mint, and other sweet treats are strewn about. I looked up and saw that Miz Ava and Ms Veronica had morphed into fierce Tigresses, and when I looked down, saw that I had become a fairly common looking orange tabby. I was hoping for something a little more exotic, like a leopard or something, but apprentices do have to pay their dues after all. Ms Veronica must've read my mind, because next thing I know, I am a leopard, except that I still have my orange tabby color, which makes me look kinda like a cheetah. That's not too shabby!

One by one the chatters are turned into kitty cats and begin tussling about, rubbing their furry little heads on their feline goddesses legs and becoming quite playful.

However, it appears that a rat in the form of Asia has snuck into this festival. The merriment is disrupted when Asia The Rat makes a very snide remark about the Buffalo Sabres and offends Tigress Ava by saying derogatory things about her idol, Sabres goalie, Ryan Miller. At this point, the tigress in Miz Ava is unleashed. She convenes a quick Witch's Council, and a plot to make Asia The Rat pay for his ignorance is formed.

Tigress Veronica and I head out of the festival to get the "magical" wine. Upon our return, Tigress Ava orders Asia to get on all fours and act like a pussy cat. I was told to bring out a very special pet dish in which Asia is to drink out of. Tigress Veronica fills the dish with with the magical liquid and Asia learns that at the bottom of the dish the phrase: "A very long hockey series" has been engraved. Asia then must lap and lick out of the dish like a pathetic, scorned pussy.

However, Asia's cocky, "plucky" attitude about the Senators is not diminished. Tigress Ava and I decide that his punishment will be even more severe than originally anticipated. We prepare to pounce on Asia and "wrench off his tender limbs, one by one". Asia is offered a chance to redeem himself, but chooses to remain steadfast in his ridiculous loyalty to his hockey team. Therefore, a bloodbath ensues and Tigress Ava and I howl, hiss, and tear into Asia with our deadly claws and sharp teeth. Unfortunately, Asia The Rat meat is discovered to be quite rancid and Tigress Ava becomes ill after feeding on him. Her feline form begins to wretch and heave and in a final act of humiliation to Asia, she vomits Asia bits back onto his weakened, near-lifeless form.

Tigress Veronica gifted all of the good little kittens with beautiful collars. Kel especially was fond of her new diamond studded collar. Since Asia badly misbehaved, Tigress Veronica decides that the most appropriate gift for him comes in the form of a hemp g-string. Of course, upon hearing the word hemp, PotOGold perks right up. In a moment of confusion not uncommon for PotOGold, he mistakenly consumes too much catnip thinking the herbs were of "some other kind".

Exhausted after a long night of pouncing, preying and feeding on innocents, Tigresses Ava and Veronica, and little ol' cheetah/tabby me decide that its time to curl up and relish a much deserved cat nap. Freaky Friday ends with all the good kitties playfully engaging with one another while the FelineTrinity languidly stretch out and lazily admire their handiwork, once again.

Thanks to Miz Ava and Ms Veronica for another great Freaky Friday, and a special thank you to Miz Ava for her contributions to this account. Unfortunately I was standing downwind of PotOGold during the boat trip and needed some help with my short term memory of the events at the Festival, and so Miz Ava thoughtfully provided them.

Hope to see you all at next week's Freaky Friday!

Corruptrix