Bloggin' With Bitchass

Freaky Friday... Refreshments Are On Me!

All week long, I had been sneaking over to Billybear Labs late at night to work on a super special formula for a drink I could bring in and pass out to all the chatters at Freaky Friday. Miz Ava comes from a long line of Italian witches, The Strega, and she had loaned me her book, "The Grimoire of Perverted Powders, Potions, and Brews". I settled on a really interesting one that would have the effect of making the minds of the Innocents extra pliable, making it easy for even the biggest tightwads to be manipulated into dusting off their credit cards and making lots of calls during the LDW Marathon.

Billybear himself found out about my plan and sent me a mysterious message, offering to help me with the formula, but I didn't find out until much later what kind of help he had in mind.

The chat was already in full swing when I arrived. I quickly stepped into the changing room and put on my special purple robe and my levitating shoes, and then, pushing my little refreshment cart, came out and greeted Miz Ava and Ms Veronica and all of the participants.

I looked around the room, but did not see any sign of Billybear, and so I figured that his offer of help had just been a cruel tease. Or maybe he was hung up in his Transmorgifier or something.

Miz Ava and Ms Veronica were whipping the Innocents into a frenzy about the Marathon, and also about the fact that Ms Veronica was officially going to start taking phone calls. I got permission from the Mistresses to start passing out the refreshments, and so I floated around the room making sure that everyone got a dose... err.. glass.

It certainly was an amusing sight to see...especially as there were a few Innocents who were new to FF. You could tell which of the particpants were not, shall we say, quite as familar with the traditions and rituals that take place on Freaky Friday. A newcomer who goes by the name of Malina's Bitch was all too eager to accept my deliciously deviant concoction. StephMarie on the other hand, was definitely more cautious-minded when she received her drink from the cocktail cart. She spent a moment gazing intently into her glass like it had a bug in it. However, once she saw that the others were gregariously downing their drinks (especially Ace who zipped his drink down faster than the speed of light), StephMarie threw caution to the wind and declared, "Oh well, when in Rome..." It should also be noted that the always dainty StephMarie did sip her drink graciously though, pinky extended. Even amidst the perverted chaos, StephMarie always manages to maintain her elegance and dignity.

As it turns out, there was plenty to go around, and everybody even got a second helping. So I sat back to wait for the potion to take effect.

I noticed that there was an unfamiliar participant in the room named Jimbo, and out of the corner of my eye, I caught him dumping out his first drink onto the ground. Then I saw him sneakily pouring his second into Ace's empty glass. But I was too excited about seeing how my formula was going to work, and so I didn't put two and two together.

I was happy to that Ace had made it to the chat, and right away I began visualizing him slowly spinning his way down into The Pit. But first I thought it best to let him get comfortable so he wouldn't panic and run out of the chat before he had a chance to have a Snickers bar or three.

Asia was there, magically recovered from his unfortunate devouring by us at last week's chat. I believe he learned his lesson though, because I didn't see him taunting Miz Ava about the Sabres or Ryan Miller this week.

StephMarie had brought a huge bag of Skittles with her, which I think she planned on substituting for Ms Veronica's "special" Skittles, just in case Ms V got any ideas about implanting any in anyone. But StephMarie was on her best behavior, and did a minimum of sashaying around this time. She did protest kinda loudly when I slipped up and included the unfortunate phrase "you guys" in a statement to the whole room, but I knew where she was coming from and let her slide on that one. I stuck my whip back into my robe.

PotOGold was late arriving, and I think it was because he was having some problems with his spud people, who have been getting more and more unruly the past few weeks.

Sonny Boy was back, but I don't recall him channeling any pirates this time, although I do think he's become addicted to wearing his wife's Testosterone patches over his eye. As a matter of fact, he had one over each eye, and had to keep lifting one to see what everyone was doing. I'm pretty sure I saw him sticking more onto other parts of his body when nobody was looking. I made it a point to keep at a safe distance from Sonny Boy for the rest of the night.

Someone named Lady of the Light was there, and when an offer of a free straightjacket was made, she started shrieking, "oooh... pick me.. pick me! Five dollah!". She also kept insisting on lighting up all the dark corners of the clearing, and so she was unceremoniously shown The Pit.

After some time had elapsed and I felt that the potion should be starting to manifest its intended effects, Miz Ava and Ms Veronica quietly slipped behind the ancient old oak tree and decided that they should work their charms on a few of the Innocents to see if the potion was doing exactly what it should be doing. By now, most of the Innocents were on at least their second drink. Everyone agreed that the brew was extremely tasty, though it did appear that different people were tasting different things...it was quite amazing the way this played out. Asia noted that his drink tasted like Canadian beer, while Malina's Bitch thought hers was on the "salty" side, though she professed that she was quite enjoying the special treat nonetheless. A few of the innocents were slurring their words a little but I assured Miz Ava and Ms Veronica that the Grimoire stated this was a common side effect for this particular potion.

Miz Ava decided to hone in on a particular Innocent as her "test subject". She sought after Elvis who was in the middle of working on a new song, but once he heard the dulcet tones of Miz Ava's voice calling out to him, he scrapped the new tune and more than willingly obliged. Miz Ava coyly began to sweet talk Elvis and tempt him with the mere nearness of her presence. Ms Veronica scanned the crowd from her vantage point and in hushed tones asked me if I noticed the group was acting "sloshy". Her eagle eye gaze scrutinized the faces of the innocents and she pointed out to me that it seemed like everyone was more bleary eyed than excitable. I began to feel a pang of anxiety take hold. This was clearly not the effect The Grimoire had promised of this potion!

Pretty soon it became apparent that something had gone awry. Miz Ava had given up on charming the sequined pants off of Elvis (it was soon discovered that Elvis had some issues with authority seeing as he believed he still was "The King"). No matter, because once Miz Ava proclaimed her disdain for Elvis, he was swiftly shown to The Pit. Giggles and chuckles buzzed through the crowd when Ms Veronica dead-panned, "Elvis has left the building". Miz Ava next made a bee line for Tease Me For Cash, rightfully thinking...."easy prey". She attempted to mesmerize Tease by dancing in a circle around him and blowing into his ear, and whispering things to him, but it was not having the desired effect. In fact, just the opposite happened...

One by one, things began deflating like hot air balloons that had just been blown into a tree. Ms Veronica was not having any better luck. Maybe the chat was being held over some ancient saltpeter deposit or something, but whatever it was, things were NOT going as planned. The chatters, who were all worked up to make their calls, were just a tad upset that besides my potion making their minds pliable, it had also made other things pliable too. I felt a little ashamed especially when Ms Veronica noted that it would probably be best if I took "Potions 101" over again.

Jimbo started snickering and piping in with some snide comments about my formula being the cause of it all, but I couldn't see how that was possible because I had followed the formula to the letter. But all the same, I asked Miz Ava if she was sure that her book was authentic. She assured me that it was, and that it had been handed down from generation to generation of The Strega. She said it had never been wrong before.

While all this was going on, I had sent Ace spinning down into the pit for a couple of Snickers bars and a meeting with Mother Crone. Ace was kinda taken with Mother's glowing red eyes, and just before she touched him I decided to give him a break, and so I levitated him back out of the pit before anything unseemly happened to him. While I was bringing him back up, I thought it was odd that Ace was the only one in the area who had a bulge in his pants. When I checked it out, I found that he had a bottle in his pocket, and it wasn't just that he was happy to see me. When I opened the bottle, and unrolled the note, this is what it said...

"corruptrix you suck at chemistry and suck at cooking - never forget that until you lose those shoes you will not have a man which is why you're so cranky. I taunt you a second time! neener neener neener! LMAO billybear"

It all became clear to me now. My potion had been tampered with! Ack! Of course, Ace professed no knowledge of how the bottle had gotten into his pants.

Then, StephMarie began agreeing with Jimbo that it was all my fault, and that maybe I had intentionally screwed up the potion. She even inferred that Corruptrix was in cahoots with Billybear in some way. I was beginning to reach for my whip when Miz Ava stopped me and jumped to my defense...

MsAva: Well Corruptrix...we know that you weren't responsible for that little mishap

StephMarie: Ms Ava, are you sure?

MsAva: I'm sorry Steph, what am I not sure of?

StephMarie: Ms Ava, that Corruptix isn't responsible!

MsAva: Ahhh...we have a Judas among us

StephMarie: After all, he did push Ace and Elvis into the pit

StephMarie: And Ace had the evidence of the treachery

MsAva: Well Steph, I requested Corruptrix to toss Ace and Elvis into the pit because quite frankly I had no use for them

StephMarie: Ms Ava, ahhhh

MsAva: So you see Steph, if you say you are doubting Corruptrix, you essentially are doubting me....and I am *sure* that is not what you are saying , is it not?

StephMarie: Ms Ava, but of course!

Nevertheless, the mob in the room began gathering up pitchforks and torches, and Corruptrix' ass would've been swinging from a tree if Ms Veronica hadn't stepped in to save the day. She quickly morphed into "Mutha of All Spiders" and her teeth grew sharp and pointy, her eyes became cold and black as her Spider Self began skittering around to each of the afflicted Innocents. A single bite was administered to each participant in just the right spot, and when MsVeronicaSpider's venom took effect, things started to perk up. This got the Innocents out of their foul mood and they began putting out their torches.... luckily for Corruptrix...

The Innocents were then given their final preparations by the Mistresses, and told to go hastily forth unto the Marathon before the venom wore off.

And with that, from a distant belfry across the valley, a church bell tolled 12 times, and another Freaky Friday was history.

Special thanks go out to Miz Ava and to Billybear for their invaluable assistance on this post.

Corruptrix