Bloggin' With Bitchass

Freaky Friday... It's Always About The Shoes...

This week's Freaky Friday was a very special one for me. Read on and you will see why.

Ms Veronica was attending her annual Succubi Retreat in the Catskills Mt's so she was unable to be physically present this week, but Miz Ava was more than happy to take up the slack and help me out with a little problem I've been having. In case you missed it in this blog, I was attacked by BillyBear this past week and grounded by a dastardly deed perpetrated by him. While I was floating around and minding my own business, he shot me in my lovely shoes with a portable "leather to lead" transmorgifier gun, causing me to plummet to the ground faster than the Hindenburg. Once on the ground I found that I was unable to untie the lead laces and was stuck all week wearing a 50 pound shoe on each foot. I sent a message to Miz Ava by messenger bat, imploring her to do something to get me back to my floaty old self, and maybe even get some revenge on that evil stinker BillyBear. The bat returned with a message informing me that Miz Ava would have my shoes back to levitating business very soon.

Billy appeared as "BillyApparition" and as soon as his ghostly self was spotted, Miz Ava briskly approached him, condemning him for his horrible transgression against my person. It was more than clear that BillyApparition was going to pay dearly for mucking up my beloved shoes...and that this Freaky Friday was not only "all about the shoes" but it also would be setting the backdrop for a long overdue vengeance spell against the perpetual evil that is BillyBear. Miz Ava informed the crowd that she had taken special measures and was just waiting for this opportunity to provide BillyApparition with his just desserts.

Speaking of desserts, sweet PromQueen StephMarie was kind enough to bring her famous Rice Krispy Treats and sweet tea for all of the FF particpants! I declined of course, with the knowledge that it is never a good idea to accept any treats at FF, but the rest of the Innocents began to chow down like there was no tomorrow.

Miz Ava brought with her a mason jar filled with War Water. War Water is a very potent weapon used in psychic warfare and witch wars. Make no mistake about it, when BillyBear set out to wreck my shoes, war was indeed declared. Miz Ava also pulled from her robe a funny looking doll called a "poppet". It actually looked more like a floppy eared rabbit, but that made more sense when it became apparent that this particular doll was going to serve for a little "voodoo magic" on BillyBunny. Miz Ava then began poking pins into the Billy Poppet, and with each pinch, he was becoming weaker and more pliable.

This was exactly the right moment to cast a circle around BillyApparition so that he would remain intact and immobile. Since I was moving a bit sluggishly due to my lead shoes, Miz Ava enlisted the assistance of PromQueenSteph and together we placed black candles all around BillyApparition. Then Miz Ava ripped BillyApparition's pants off of him and began poking the pins into his bare butt cheeks.

Asia was the first to point out that the Billy Poppet Doll, in fact, was representative of the real BillyApparition parts, literally to scale. Asia assisted in laying bricks of coal all around the outer circle of black candles. Miz Ava explained that these coals would be lit with fire and that when I walked on the hot coals, the lead would melt. I have to tell you that when I heard that I was gonna be walking on glowing coals in metal shoes, I got just a tad nervous. But this would function as an additional means of punishing and humiliating BillyApparition, because while he stood helplessly in the inner circle, I would be walking around and around him, my shoes being magically restored and ulitimately reminding BillyApparition that he really has no power over the Witches of Freaky Friday.

Miz Ava handed the jar of War Water to me, performed a quick protective spell over my feet so they would not be burned, and directed me to walk on the burning coals while sprinkling BillyApparition with the War Water. Of course, it wouldn't be FF without at least one of the innocents, (read: Sonny) misinterpreting the directions that were presented.

Sonny's hearing must be getting affected by those damn testosterone patches he insists on wearing over his eyes every week because when Miz Ava told me to circle around BillyApparition and sprinkle the War Water on him, Sonny thought she had said "tinkle". Miz Ava immediately ordered Sonny to put away the cup as it would not be necessary for BillyApparition to have to pee into it.

MsAva: She said sprinkle sprinkle, NOT tinkle tinkle!!!

Upon hearing the phrase "pee in the cup", Pothead became noticeably uneasy and pleaded not to have to pee into any cup. Fred assured Pothead that if indeed this became an issue for him, he could sell him "some clean stuff, cheap".

As I continued in my circle, dousing BillyApparition with the War Water, the evil energy of BillyApparition was emptying from his body and my shoes were becoming lighter and lighter as the lead was melting. StephMarie noticed it right away and remarked "Corruptrix, you're getting taller!!" Imagine my utter joy when I began to levitate again! Miz Ava then recited the chant she had composed for this moment of vengeance:

"O Mother Crone, Great Goddess of the Dark
We come this night to beseech
The justice you impart
Corruptrix has been wronged
Victim to BillyBear's misdeed
It's more than justice that she wants
It is vengeance that she needs"

Next Miz Ava explained that in order for this hex to be realllly effective she would have to add a "personal touch" to it. Asia immediately suggested Miz Ava somehow incorporate her bra into the hex, but then he was swiftly reminded of what happened to him on the Eve of the Bast Festival. She also distracted Asia from his perverted thoughts by directing his attention to the pond where mighty, muscular Annaheim Ducks were gathering.

With that, Miz Ava returned to the business of hexing BillyApparition and pricked her own finger so that she could sign her name in her powerful, sacred blood on the Billy Poppet doll. Luckily for BillyApparition, Miz Ava did not hear his smartass remark that she spelled "Ava" wrong. She then revealed that she had saved a patch of BillyApparition's torn pants and wrapped the fabric around the poppet. Billy became quite irate when he was reminded of what Miz Ava did to his "billion dollar pants" and informed her that he would be sending her the bill.

billyApparition: so Msava the stealer the thief
billyApparition: that is so irritating
billyApparition: if I get out of this I'm so stealing your panties
billyApparition: All of them!
Corruptrix: BilyApparition, did you just call Miz Ava a thief?
PromQueenSteph: oh no, BillyApparition has gone quite mad
billyApparition: like it matters Corruptrix I'm being killed here

Miz Ava ignored that heinous accusation and told him that the proper procedure for reimbursement on clothing items damaged during hexing rituals was to foward the bill to the Succubus. You just can't escape bureacracy these days, even in the land of the Witch. It was also very generous of Ace to offer to foot the bill for BillyApparition's pants, as he remarked that "One week of sales at the cookie factory should cover it." Like StephMarie pointed out, Ace appears to be a whole new, changed man since spending time in the Pit with Mother Crone the week prior. I have it on good authority that Mother Crone seemed to take a shine to Ace and even Ace himself admitted that he felt Mother Crone geniunely "gets him".

Soon the time to throw BillyApparition into The Pit was nearing. StephMarie graciously pulled the richly knit pit cover off and Fred promptly recognized the Pit Cover from the Frontgate catalog and commended Corruptrix on her good taste. Everyone was impressed with the beautiful embroidery across the top of the cover which spelled out the word "Revenge". I had sent the cover over to Muckamoo's Embroidery Emporium, and what a great job she did on it! At once StephMarie announced, "The Pit is open for business".

billyApparition: hey Msava I just came into a billion dollars will that get me out of this?

BillyApparition meekly tried to suggest we all just let The Pit idea slide and gather around for a Godfather movie marathon instead, but Miz Ava was not having any of that and pulled BillyApparition by the ear toward the dark, dreaded abyss. Ace pulled out his trusty fiddle and began to play a rendition of "Ava Maria". Everyone was getting into the spirit of the pending eradication of BillyApparition and at once the crowd began to chant "Pit, pit, pit!!". Well, everyone that is, except for pothead, who got a little confused and thought we were supposed to be chanting "Pot, pot, pot!".

Miz Ava quickly wound duct tape around BillyApparition so that his Poppet would be accompanying him in his downward spiral into The Pit. Stuart wistfully recalled his time in The Pit a few weeks back and got a bit misty...plus he wondered why he didn't get bound up when he paid his first visit to Mother Crone. I reminded Stuart that he did get a very nice spanking and branding though, and this seemed to placate him.

Asia and StephMarie suggested also using a nail gun and staples to ascertain that BillyApparition's Poppet would remain with him. The plan was that once I levitated BillyApparition down into the ground, the Pit would be set on fire and the legend of all-that-is-evil would be demolished once and for all.

MsAva: Do your magic Corruptrix!!!
Sonny_Boy: (poor billy) Airborne
Corruptrix: (floats him slowly over to Pit)
billyApparition: I can see that bald spot corruptrix
billyApparition: hahahahahahahaha
MsAva: Corr's powers have even been enhanced now that we've drained BillyApparition's evil
Corruptrix: Say hello to Mother, BillyApparition!
PromQueenSteph: may the lord have mercy on your soul
Corruptrix: (lowers BillyApparition slowly down into Pit)
MsAva: You'd think that BillyApparition would stop making wiseass remarks when he is THIS CLOSE to meeting Mother Crone
Corruptrix: (starts him spinning slowly)
MsAva: Spin ballernia Billy, spin!
Corruptrix: enjoy the Snickers bar, BillyApparition
MsAva: Ohh Corr...you say that sooooo manically!

But then, the activity around The Pit came to a pause as Miz Ava announced she had a collect call from Ms Veronica coming in live via satellite from her Succubus Retreat in the Catskills.

MsAva: Ahhhh...ladies and gentlemen...
MsAva: Hold up Corruptrix
MsAva: I have a collect call coming in from Ms Veronica (why is she so damn cheap sometimes???)
Corruptrix: (abruptly stops BillyApparition's spinning)

It should be noted that besides being a Succubus Elite, Ms Vernonica also presides as the Governess of Kink Chat and since she could not be present for the Weanie Roast, ummm, I mean, searing of BillyApparition, she would have to hear out the case and offer her vote before anything else occurred. Ultimately, as Governess, Ms Veronica has the final say in how victims are mishandled. For a few moments, a complete hush fell over the crowd, and worried glances were exchanged among the Innocents as well as Miz Ava, StephMarie, and I. Would Ms Veronica's verdict grant BillyApparition a pardon???

Sonny offered to litigate on BillyApparition's behalf, should he need a lawyer present. But democracy has no meaning in the Witches Domain. StephMarie wondered if we could just kill BillyApparition anyway and thought that this hold-up was merely delaying the inevitable.

PromQueenSteph: can we kill him now?
Corruptrix: steph... you have potential!
Corruptrix: please let us kill him Ms Veronica
billyApparition: oh this is nerve wracking!

BillyApparition waited with bated breath to learn his fate....

billyApparition: Oh! Oh! it's 12:04!!!!
billyApparition: darn it
billyApparition: oh well maybe next week

Finally, Ms Veronica's verdict was delivered:

"In light of the infractions BillyApparition has committed....I understand that discussion of pardoning him from his tormented fate has been raised...I've given this much consideration. I have found that BillyApparition deserves every bit of punishment the PIT affords him...SEND HIM TO THE PIT!!! NO PARDON FOR BILLYAPPARITION"

Corruptrix: (starts BillyApparition spinning again and rings the Mother Crone dinner bell)

The screams and cheers were deafening. However, as part of BillyApparition's sentencing, it was also declared that since he has become a sort of prophet as of late, he would not be burned. He would be dropped into The Pit, but he would also have the opportunity to dig through the underworld until he found his way back to the desert. Apparently there is some sort of Prophet Telethon this weekend in the desert and people are relying on BillyApparition being there. So BillyApparition did not meet his permanent demise after all. But he did learn that above all else, you never, ever, ever mess with the shoes of a Corruptrix.

billyApparition: this is about her shoes?
Corruptrix: my lovely shoes
MsAva: Yes Billy...it is about the shoes...
MsAva: ITS ALWAYS ABOUT THE SHOES

And with that, BillyApparition began his tortured dig back to the desert, and another Freaky Friday came to an end.

Be sure to tune in next Friday for more Freaky Fun!


Corruptrix